1
00:00:31,418 --> 00:00:33,325
So that's what you look like.

2
00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:37,803
You ugly, horrible... go on!

3
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,327
Try your intellect on me!

4
00:00:39,328 --> 00:00:40,967
I'll see you in hell first!

5
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:44,920
No!

6
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:45,878
Stop!

7
00:00:49,752 --> 00:00:52,072
Call off your troops.

8
00:00:52,073 --> 00:00:53,031
Cease firing.

9
00:01:04,874 --> 00:01:07,108
He acted like he knew him.

10
00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,690
He did.

11
00:01:08,691 --> 00:01:12,784
He learned almost too late that
man is a feeling creature,

12
00:01:12,785 --> 00:01:16,266
and because of it, the
greatest in the universe.

13
00:01:16,267 --> 00:01:22,144
There is hope, but it has
to come from man himself.

14
00:01:22,145 --> 00:01:23,103
I have to go.

15
00:01:23,104 --> 00:01:25,020
I'm gonna eat now.

16
00:01:25,021 --> 00:01:26,460
Hold on just a second.

17
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:34,486
Hello, darling.

18
00:01:34,486 --> 00:01:35,320
It's me again.

19
00:01:35,321 --> 00:01:40,929
Yours truly, Elvira, the gal
with the enormous, uh, ratings.

20
00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:43,115
Well, that's our show.

21
00:01:43,116 --> 00:01:47,238
I hope you enjoyed watching
it as much as I did.

22
00:01:48,573 --> 00:01:49,243
Oh, boy.

23
00:01:49,244 --> 00:01:51,313
I mean, could you believe
that cheesy looking monster?

24
00:01:51,339 --> 00:01:53,664
Looked like Gumby on steroids.

25
00:01:53,664 --> 00:01:56,225
Well, at least the
movie had a moral.

26
00:02:01,479 --> 00:02:03,395
Hey, does anybody know
what that movie was about?

27
00:02:03,421 --> 00:02:04,949
Uh, I'll tell you
what it was about.

28
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:08,834
It was about an hour
and a half too long.

29
00:02:08,835 --> 00:02:11,029
Oh, and, uh, don't
forget, next week, it's.

30
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:14,212
The Head With Two Things... I
mean, The Thing With Two Heads.

31
00:02:14,213 --> 00:02:18,604
And until then, this is Elvira,
the gal who put the boob back

32
00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:22,240
in the boob tube, saying
unpleasant dreams.

33
00:02:30,132 --> 00:02:33,008
Hey, put me down, will you?

34
00:02:38,119 --> 00:02:41,686
Is there anything that
could possibly shame you?

35
00:02:41,686 --> 00:02:44,141
Yeah, wearing this in a
public place might do it.

36
00:02:44,142 --> 00:02:45,100
Ha!

37
00:02:47,545 --> 00:02:49,079
Get it, girlfriend.

38
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,940
You got your news and counting.

39
00:02:53,252 --> 00:02:54,210
Hey, Elvira.

40
00:02:54,210 --> 00:02:54,881
Not now, Rudy.

41
00:02:54,882 --> 00:02:56,319
Wait a sec, wait a sec.

42
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,332
See... see that guy over there?

43
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,163
What, the lard bucket
in the 10 gallon hat?

44
00:03:00,164 --> 00:03:02,724
Yes, that's the
station's new owner.

45
00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:05,381
From the edge of the sea to
the end of the valley, you...

46
00:03:05,381 --> 00:03:06,052
What?

47
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:08,669
Shut up!

48
00:03:08,670 --> 00:03:11,508
This guy's, OK?

49
00:03:11,509 --> 00:03:17,175
Mr. Hooter, this is, uh, Elvira.

50
00:03:17,176 --> 00:03:20,915
Name's Earl, but the ladies
back home call me Longhorn.

51
00:03:20,916 --> 00:03:23,925
Maybe you can guess why.

52
00:03:23,926 --> 00:03:24,923
Gee, I don't know.

53
00:03:24,924 --> 00:03:27,426
Does it have anything
to do with your breath?

54
00:03:27,427 --> 00:03:30,523
Why don't we let this little
filly get herself gussied up?

55
00:03:30,524 --> 00:03:33,419
The sooner I get in the
saddle, the better.

56
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:37,044
Well, sorry, partner, but it
looks like it's gonna be you

57
00:03:37,045 --> 00:03:39,345
and your trusty old right hand.

58
00:03:39,346 --> 00:03:40,937
Sounds like you're looking to get

59
00:03:40,938 --> 00:03:42,884
yourself fired, little lady.

60
00:03:42,885 --> 00:03:44,235
Go ahead and fire me.

61
00:03:44,236 --> 00:03:46,892
I need this job like a leper
needs a three way mirror.

62
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:50,536
It just so happens I have an
act opening up in Las Vegas.

63
00:03:50,537 --> 00:03:51,868
Well, terrific.

64
00:03:51,869 --> 00:03:53,729
You can try your act out on me.

65
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,225
It's milkin' time!

66
00:03:57,096 --> 00:03:58,026
That's it!

67
00:03:58,026 --> 00:03:58,956
I'm walking!

68
00:03:58,957 --> 00:04:00,451
I don't have to take
this from anybody.

69
00:04:00,477 --> 00:04:02,311
And as for you, you
cretinous cowpoke...

70
00:04:02,312 --> 00:04:04,545
Whoa, whoa, she's got Hooter!

71
00:04:04,546 --> 00:04:06,713
Somebody on the floor
get her out of there!

72
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,937
Within so much as 10 feet of me,

73
00:04:08,938 --> 00:04:13,070
and I'm gonna tie your
weenie in a granny knot!

74
00:04:13,071 --> 00:04:15,084
You said she was a nymph o!

75
00:04:15,085 --> 00:04:16,455
Come on, will you?

76
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,727
Not the ball game!

77
00:04:20,119 --> 00:04:21,259
You can't quit!

78
00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:22,190
What's the big deal?

79
00:04:22,191 --> 00:04:23,848
Soon as my show opens in Las Vegas,

80
00:04:23,849 --> 00:04:26,159
I'll never have to host one
of those crap-o horror movies

81
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:27,742
again.

82
00:04:27,743 --> 00:04:29,390
There's no problem with
the show, is there?

83
00:04:29,416 --> 00:04:32,929
Problem?
Complications, maybe,

84
00:04:32,930 --> 00:04:33,813
but never a problem.

85
00:04:33,814 --> 00:04:35,595
All right, out with it, Manny.

86
00:04:35,595 --> 00:04:39,786
OK, the Flamingo won't... it
won't go ahead with the show

87
00:04:39,786 --> 00:04:41,962
unless you come up with some
money to help finance it.

88
00:04:41,963 --> 00:04:44,139
Well, how much do they want?

89
00:04:44,140 --> 00:04:45,884
$50,000.

90
00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:47,227
$50,000?

91
00:04:47,228 --> 00:04:49,470
Are you nuts?

92
00:04:49,471 --> 00:04:51,877
Where am I going to come up
with that kind of money?

93
00:04:51,878 --> 00:04:54,678
Maybe it's not too late
to get your job back.

94
00:04:54,678 --> 00:04:55,349
Forget it, Manny.

95
00:04:55,350 --> 00:04:58,312
I'm never working for
that sleaze ball again.

96
00:04:58,313 --> 00:05:00,623
I'll just have to find
another sleaze ball.

97
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,053
Oh, telegram for Miss Elvira.

98
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,012
I'll take it.

99
00:05:09,723 --> 00:05:12,647
Dear Elvira, as executor of the
estate of your great aunt Miss.

100
00:05:12,648 --> 00:05:14,191
Morgana Talbot, I'm sorry to inform

101
00:05:14,192 --> 00:05:17,481
you of her untimely passing.

102
00:05:17,482 --> 00:05:19,781
Whoa, I didn't even
know I had a good aunt,

103
00:05:19,782 --> 00:05:20,626
much less a great one.

104
00:05:20,627 --> 00:05:23,752
Let me see that.

105
00:05:23,753 --> 00:05:26,205
It says here all I have to do is
come to Fallwell, Massachusetts

106
00:05:26,206 --> 00:05:28,563
for the reading of the will and
I'll pick up my inheritance!

107
00:05:28,564 --> 00:05:30,646
Is that timing, or what?

108
00:05:35,365 --> 00:05:39,823
And lastly, to my
enchanting niece, Elvira,

109
00:05:39,824 --> 00:05:42,747
who has unflinchingly withstood
the slings and arrows

110
00:05:42,748 --> 00:05:49,144
of an imperfect world without so
much as a whimper or complaint,

111
00:05:49,145 --> 00:05:53,592
I bequeath my entire fortune.

112
00:05:57,103 --> 00:06:01,292
Let's show Elvira exactly
what she's inherited!

113
00:06:06,069 --> 00:06:10,067
Elvira, you are going to start
with something that dreams are

114
00:06:10,068 --> 00:06:13,107
made of... a beautiful
new sailboat!

115
00:06:13,108 --> 00:06:19,867
You're going to sail away in a
sporty Sunchaser II from Stark!

116
00:06:19,868 --> 00:06:21,076
And that's not all.

117
00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:23,434
When you're tired
of sailing, you'll

118
00:06:23,435 --> 00:06:26,330
drive home in this brand
new Jeep Wrangler!

119
00:06:26,331 --> 00:06:28,987
I needed one of those!

120
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:31,403
And you'll sit down to dinner
at this beautiful 10-piece

121
00:06:31,404 --> 00:06:33,896
dining room suite from
American Heritage!

122
00:06:37,177 --> 00:06:41,855
And on top... on top
of all of that, money!

123
00:06:41,856 --> 00:06:44,196
Lots and lots of money!

124
00:06:49,805 --> 00:06:51,213
Elvira.

125
00:06:51,214 --> 00:06:54,023
Elvira, are you all right?

126
00:06:54,024 --> 00:06:55,518
Go ahead and call
the Flamingo, Manny.

127
00:06:55,544 --> 00:06:57,572
Tell them I'll have
the $50,000 as soon

128
00:06:57,573 --> 00:06:59,547
as I get back from Massachusetts.

129
00:06:59,547 --> 00:07:02,270
Las Vegas, here I come.

130
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,107
Hop in, sailor.

131
00:07:41,433 --> 00:07:44,300
Here, you forgot your axe.

132
00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:18,015
You know you were doing 50
in a 25 mile per hour zone?

133
00:08:18,016 --> 00:08:18,687
Um, no.

134
00:08:18,688 --> 00:08:22,340
But if you hum a few bars,
I'll fake it.

135
00:08:27,394 --> 00:08:29,694
I gotta get a new joke.

136
00:08:29,695 --> 00:08:30,922
This one's costing me a fortune.

137
00:08:57,388 --> 00:08:59,364
Hey, how about some gas?

138
00:09:08,656 --> 00:09:09,614
Fuck this.

139
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,848
You know, those
things will kill you.

140
00:09:53,658 --> 00:09:55,538
Have a nice day.

141
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:37,037
I can make darn sure
he doesn't get it.

142
00:11:37,038 --> 00:11:38,534
I have my ways, you know.

143
00:11:49,331 --> 00:11:50,769
Well!

144
00:11:50,770 --> 00:11:53,109
Oh!

145
00:11:53,110 --> 00:11:54,768
Well, I never.

146
00:11:54,769 --> 00:11:58,095
Yeah, and you never will with
them soup cans on your head.

147
00:11:58,096 --> 00:12:00,070
Listen, young lady, I
don't know who you are

148
00:12:00,071 --> 00:12:02,007
or where you came
from, but you most

149
00:12:02,008 --> 00:12:03,848
certainly don't fit in this town.

150
00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:06,985
Why, you don't even
fit in that dress.

151
00:12:06,986 --> 00:12:09,008
Listen, sister, if I
want your opinion,

152
00:12:09,009 --> 00:12:10,763
I'll beat it out of you.

153
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:11,654
Oh!

154
00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:13,429
Anita!

155
00:12:13,430 --> 00:12:16,219
It's the Antichrist, I
tell you, the Antichrist!

156
00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:18,424
Can someone tell me where
there's a garage around here?

157
00:12:18,425 --> 00:12:19,096
Yeah, yeah.

158
00:12:19,097 --> 00:12:21,214
There's one right up the street.

159
00:12:21,215 --> 00:12:22,864
Oh.

160
00:12:22,865 --> 00:12:26,211
Well, uh, would one of
you big, strong men

161
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,678
mind giving me a little push?

162
00:12:33,855 --> 00:12:34,813
Easy, easy.

163
00:12:34,814 --> 00:12:36,241
Don't scratch the paint.

164
00:12:42,935 --> 00:12:43,960
She's incredible.

165
00:12:43,961 --> 00:12:45,331
Man, what I wouldn't do for just

166
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:46,367
one peek at those gazongas.

167
00:12:46,393 --> 00:12:48,649
They're unreal.

168
00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:49,522
Oh, great.

169
00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:51,679
That means I'm stuck
in this hellhole.

170
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,933
I mean, this quaint
little hellhole.

171
00:12:53,934 --> 00:12:56,858
Uh, listen, is there a motel
or something around here?

172
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,522
Well, there's the Cozy
Cot down by the Widow.

173
00:12:59,523 --> 00:13:01,058
Bishop's feed store.

174
00:13:01,058 --> 00:13:02,351
Course, her son sort of took that

175
00:13:02,352 --> 00:13:05,602
over after she had that
spell of gingivitis.

176
00:13:05,603 --> 00:13:07,444
Her whole mouth swole up.

177
00:13:07,445 --> 00:13:10,157
Looked like she ate
a box of staples.

178
00:13:10,158 --> 00:13:11,729
Folks were saying she
got it from kissing

179
00:13:11,755 --> 00:13:13,021
that old dog of hers.

180
00:13:16,267 --> 00:13:17,225
Nice tits.

181
00:13:30,055 --> 00:13:31,013
Yoo-hoo!

182
00:13:35,464 --> 00:13:37,526
Can I get a room?

183
00:13:41,582 --> 00:13:42,693
Sorry, we're booked solid.

184
00:13:42,694 --> 00:13:44,795
So how come it says
vacancy out there?

185
00:13:50,298 --> 00:13:52,972
Look, we do have a room.

186
00:13:52,973 --> 00:13:54,508
Remember the trucker
with the bad skin

187
00:13:54,509 --> 00:13:55,658
that checked out this morning?

188
00:13:55,683 --> 00:13:56,292
Ew.

189
00:13:56,292 --> 00:13:57,692
I hope you changed the sheets.

190
00:14:03,714 --> 00:14:04,776
Hi.

191
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:08,767
Is that makeup I see on
your face, young lady?

192
00:14:08,768 --> 00:14:09,639
No, ma'am.

193
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,527
I mean, yes, ma'am.

194
00:14:11,528 --> 00:14:12,679
Well, just a little.

195
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,270
How many times have
I told you, you're

196
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,006
too young to wear makeup!

197
00:14:16,006 --> 00:14:17,463
Now, mother, I don't think...

198
00:14:17,464 --> 00:14:18,624
Shut up, Wesley!

199
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,272
But grandma, all the
other girls at school

200
00:14:20,273 --> 00:14:20,944
are wearing makeup!

201
00:14:20,945 --> 00:14:23,304
And if all the other girls
at school jumped off a cliff,

202
00:14:23,305 --> 00:14:25,040
would you jump off a cliff?

203
00:14:25,041 --> 00:14:25,845
All right!

204
00:14:25,846 --> 00:14:27,177
And you don't have the sense
that you were born with.

205
00:14:27,178 --> 00:14:29,401
You have...

206
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,704
I hate to interrupt this
little episode of The Waltons,

207
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,206
but can I get a room?

208
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,592
OK, but it's cash up front.

209
00:14:37,593 --> 00:14:40,007
I know what you pinko heavy metal

210
00:14:40,008 --> 00:14:43,037
weirdos do to motel rooms.

211
00:14:43,038 --> 00:14:44,696
Read all about in The Star.

212
00:14:44,697 --> 00:14:47,209
I'll, uh, show the
lady to her room.

213
00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:48,168
Oh no you don't.

214
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,649
Hey, don't let them get you down.

215
00:14:58,650 --> 00:15:00,432
I used to get the same
line about makeup

216
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:01,620
from the nuns at the orphanage.

217
00:15:01,646 --> 00:15:04,286
Course, I was only eight.

218
00:15:04,287 --> 00:15:06,022
Uh, I'm Elvira.

219
00:15:06,023 --> 00:15:08,258
I'm Robin.

220
00:15:08,259 --> 00:15:12,141
So, um, Robin, what's there to
do for fun around here, anyway?

221
00:15:12,142 --> 00:15:13,742
This town isn't real big on fun.

222
00:15:13,743 --> 00:15:14,414
Mm.

223
00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:17,041
Well, there is one
place that's open.

224
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,240
The bowling alley.

225
00:15:18,241 --> 00:15:20,512
That gets real wild
on league night.

226
00:15:20,512 --> 00:15:22,718
Gee, I think I can handle it.

227
00:15:31,090 --> 00:15:33,975
Oh, I am so sure.

228
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,864
They must think we're
really stupid.

229
00:15:35,865 --> 00:15:37,589
They're gonna kill
Spider-Man with plutonium?

230
00:15:37,615 --> 00:15:39,766
He's got radioactive blood.

231
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:41,714
Yeah?

232
00:15:41,715 --> 00:15:45,089
Let me see that.

233
00:15:45,090 --> 00:15:47,937
Hey, man, what'd you do that for?

234
00:15:47,938 --> 00:15:48,896
Shut up.

235
00:15:55,062 --> 00:15:57,910
Look at what just walked in.

236
00:16:04,555 --> 00:16:07,480
Um, bloody Mary.

237
00:16:07,481 --> 00:16:08,947
No hard liquor served 8:00.

238
00:16:08,948 --> 00:16:11,315
Do you want a virgin?

239
00:16:11,316 --> 00:16:13,512
Maybe, but I'll have a
couple of drinks first.

240
00:16:25,211 --> 00:16:27,099
Hey, baby.

241
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:30,091
I got something to show you.

242
00:16:30,092 --> 00:16:30,763
Sorry.

243
00:16:30,764 --> 00:16:32,277
Left my magnifying glass at home.

244
00:16:34,972 --> 00:16:37,494
Hey, that's pretty good.

245
00:16:37,495 --> 00:16:41,359
Billy, that is no way
to talk to a lady.

246
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,216
So, how about a blow job?

247
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:05,542
I bet you think that was
pretty funny, don't you?

248
00:17:05,543 --> 00:17:06,712
I enjoyed it.

249
00:17:06,713 --> 00:17:07,595
Yeah?

250
00:17:07,596 --> 00:17:09,722
Well, you're gonna
enjoy this even more.

251
00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:12,360
I cut you, man!

252
00:17:12,361 --> 00:17:14,670
She stabbed me!

253
00:17:14,671 --> 00:17:15,850
Faked you out.

254
00:17:15,851 --> 00:17:16,522
Yeah?

255
00:17:16,523 --> 00:17:18,103
Well, this ain't fake, baby!

256
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:20,013
So stand still,
because I'm gonna...

257
00:17:22,871 --> 00:17:25,727
Oof!

258
00:17:25,728 --> 00:17:29,083
Uh, my name's Elvira, but
you can call me tonight.

259
00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:32,833
I'm Bob.

260
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,089
Bob Redding.

261
00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:36,323
Pleased to meet you.

262
00:17:36,324 --> 00:17:37,742
Look at this mess!

263
00:17:37,743 --> 00:17:39,123
Who the heck is gonna pay for it?

264
00:17:39,123 --> 00:17:39,863
It's all right, Patty.

265
00:17:39,864 --> 00:17:41,415
I'll take care of the damages.

266
00:17:41,416 --> 00:17:45,144
Seems to me it's all this
cheap little tart's fault.

267
00:17:45,145 --> 00:17:45,817
Cheap?

268
00:17:45,817 --> 00:17:46,652
Who are you calling cheap?

269
00:17:46,653 --> 00:17:48,232
What's that perfume you're wearing?

270
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,748
Catch of the day?

271
00:17:49,749 --> 00:17:53,354
Look, honey, I don't know
which hole you crawled out of,

272
00:17:53,355 --> 00:17:55,042
but I suggest you crawl right back

273
00:17:55,043 --> 00:17:56,412
in if you know what's good for you.

274
00:17:56,413 --> 00:17:57,582
Yeah, yeah.

275
00:17:57,583 --> 00:17:58,437
You better watch out.

276
00:17:58,438 --> 00:18:00,506
You could put some of these
eyes out with them things.

277
00:18:03,739 --> 00:18:04,697
We better go.

278
00:18:08,351 --> 00:18:10,682
It looks like you've got
some competition, Patty.

279
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:17,001
Charlie, trash does not
compete with class.

280
00:18:20,108 --> 00:18:23,204
Right down the street,
at the Cozy Cot.

281
00:18:23,205 --> 00:18:25,084
Oh.

282
00:18:25,085 --> 00:18:26,858
So what brought you to Fallwell?

283
00:18:26,859 --> 00:18:27,655
Uh, my car.

284
00:18:30,032 --> 00:18:32,554
Uh, no, really, I'm here for
the reading of my great aunt.

285
00:18:32,554 --> 00:18:33,925
Morgana's will.

286
00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:35,584
Morgana Talbot?

287
00:18:35,585 --> 00:18:37,520
She's your aunt?

288
00:18:37,521 --> 00:18:40,119
Yeah, it came as a
surprise to me, too.

289
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,361
I never really knew her, but
I sure admired her spunk.

290
00:18:43,362 --> 00:18:45,595
She never caved in the way
everybody else in this town

291
00:18:45,596 --> 00:18:47,024
has.

292
00:18:47,024 --> 00:18:50,379
Well, I don't want to bore
you with local politics.

293
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,288
Go ahead.

294
00:18:52,289 --> 00:18:53,526
Bore me.

295
00:18:53,527 --> 00:18:54,399
OK.

296
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,334
We've got this town council
that lives in mortal

297
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:59,873
fear that somewhere, somehow,
somebody in Fallwell

298
00:18:59,874 --> 00:19:00,794
is having a good time.

299
00:19:00,795 --> 00:19:01,963
Oh.

300
00:19:01,964 --> 00:19:03,228
Bunch of real preservatives, huh?

301
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:07,602
I run the movie house.

302
00:19:07,603 --> 00:19:08,284
Oh, really?

303
00:19:08,284 --> 00:19:09,549
I'm in movies, too.

304
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:13,518
Have you ever shown, uh,
um, "I Married Satan"?

305
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:14,603
No.

306
00:19:14,604 --> 00:19:17,439
How about the sequel,
"I Married Satan 2"?

307
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,060
No.

308
00:19:19,061 --> 00:19:21,228
Uh, hm.

309
00:19:21,229 --> 00:19:23,501
I, uh... I can only
play G rated movies.

310
00:19:23,502 --> 00:19:24,173
Oh.

311
00:19:24,174 --> 00:19:26,320
Well, I mean, there's nothing
wrong with G-rated movies,

312
00:19:26,346 --> 00:19:29,073
as long as there's lots
of sex and violence.

313
00:19:29,074 --> 00:19:31,287
Um, hey, listen,
Bob, I'm only going

314
00:19:31,288 --> 00:19:33,167
to be in town for a couple of days,

315
00:19:33,168 --> 00:19:35,525
and I can't think of anyone who I'd

316
00:19:35,526 --> 00:19:36,726
rather squeeze into my agenda.

317
00:19:40,301 --> 00:19:41,683
Gee, that'd be swell.

318
00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:10,213
Oh, Mr. Talbot, your sister
was like a mother to me.

319
00:20:10,402 --> 00:20:12,568
She was a mother to me, too, dear.

320
00:20:12,569 --> 00:20:15,455
Well, now that we've dispensed
with the obligatory display

321
00:20:15,456 --> 00:20:19,252
of bereavement, you may begin
the proceedings, Mr. Bigelow.

322
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:22,800
Well, it was Mrs. Talbot's wish
to have all of her relatives

323
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:24,181
present for the
reading of the will.

324
00:20:24,206 --> 00:20:26,846
All of her relatives are present.

325
00:20:26,847 --> 00:20:30,173
Me, myself, and I.

326
00:20:30,174 --> 00:20:33,348
Uh, well,
apparently Mrs.

327
00:20:33,349 --> 00:20:36,023
Talbot has a grand
niece Elvira, who

328
00:20:36,024 --> 00:20:38,248
is also one of the beneficiaries.

329
00:20:38,249 --> 00:20:39,313
That's impossible.

330
00:20:39,314 --> 00:20:40,664
Uh, well...

331
00:20:40,665 --> 00:20:44,471
Who is this grand niece?

332
00:20:44,472 --> 00:20:45,144
Hey, guys.

333
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:45,882
Sorry I'm late.

334
00:20:45,883 --> 00:20:48,124
But then, so's my aunt.

335
00:20:48,125 --> 00:20:48,921
Hey, what did she die of?

336
00:20:48,922 --> 00:20:50,743
Nothing serious, I hope.

337
00:20:50,744 --> 00:20:51,913
Say, nice jacket.

338
00:20:51,914 --> 00:20:54,560
Who shot the couch?

339
00:20:54,561 --> 00:20:55,231
Uh...

340
00:20:55,232 --> 00:20:56,716
Hey, is there a
bathroom around here?

341
00:20:56,717 --> 00:20:58,595
I'm telling you, that
toilet over at the Cozy Cot

342
00:20:58,621 --> 00:21:00,438
looks like somebody's
science project.

343
00:21:00,438 --> 00:21:02,815
Who is this woman?

344
00:21:02,816 --> 00:21:06,095
This must be Mrs.
Talbot's grand niece.

345
00:21:06,096 --> 00:21:11,206
Oh, Elvira, this is your great
aunt's brother, Vincent Talbot.

346
00:21:11,207 --> 00:21:14,379
She was my aunt, and
you're her brother,

347
00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:18,293
then you must be my Uncle Vinny!

348
00:21:18,294 --> 00:21:20,690
Get this woman off of me!

349
00:21:20,691 --> 00:21:24,094
Oh, and you must be
Auntie Em and Uncle Remus!

350
00:21:24,095 --> 00:21:25,848
Oh, there's no place like home!

351
00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:27,842
The There's no place like home!

352
00:21:27,843 --> 00:21:29,387
Hurry up, Bigelow.

353
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:31,256
Let's get on with it.

354
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:31,929
Yeah, really.

355
00:21:31,930 --> 00:21:34,144
Let's get going before
somebody else dies.

356
00:21:40,127 --> 00:21:43,137
Uh, this is the certified and
only last will and testament

357
00:21:43,138 --> 00:21:45,880
of the deceased Morgana Talbot.

358
00:21:45,881 --> 00:21:48,325
To my housekeeper, Mrs. Morrissey,

359
00:21:48,326 --> 00:21:50,013
for years of loyalty and devotion,

360
00:21:50,014 --> 00:21:54,059
I leave my silver tea service
and a cash allotment of $5,000.

361
00:21:57,762 --> 00:21:59,256
Hey, babe, what are
you whining about?

362
00:21:59,282 --> 00:22:01,251
You made out like a bandit.

363
00:22:01,252 --> 00:22:04,426
To Mr. Morrissey,
my driver, I leave

364
00:22:04,427 --> 00:22:08,185
my automobile and an
allotment of $5,000.

365
00:22:08,186 --> 00:22:10,438
Wow, dude, $10,000
just for the help?

366
00:22:10,439 --> 00:22:12,758
That old gal must have
really been loaded!

367
00:22:12,759 --> 00:22:17,668
Oh, I mean, dear, sweet Aunt
Morgana certainly was generous.

368
00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:18,703
Oh, what's it say about me?

369
00:22:18,729 --> 00:22:22,617
What did I get?

370
00:22:22,618 --> 00:22:24,409
To my grand niece Elvira.

371
00:22:24,410 --> 00:22:26,500
Come on, lay it on
me, Aunt Morgana.

372
00:22:26,501 --> 00:22:28,973
Big bucks, big bucks!

373
00:22:28,974 --> 00:22:34,468
Uh, uh, uh, uh, I bequeath
my house, my beloved poodle,

374
00:22:34,469 --> 00:22:37,805
Algonquin, and my
precious book of recipes.

375
00:22:37,806 --> 00:22:38,477
That's it?

376
00:22:38,478 --> 00:22:42,130
A house, a dog, and a book?

377
00:22:42,131 --> 00:22:45,112
Please, if you will
allow me to finish.

378
00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:47,922
And finally, to my
dear brother Vincent,

379
00:22:47,923 --> 00:22:51,019
I leave the rest of my
estate and holdings,

380
00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:52,179
of which there is none.

381
00:22:54,942 --> 00:22:55,862
Where's the cash?

382
00:22:55,863 --> 00:22:58,183
Where's the furniture?

383
00:22:58,184 --> 00:22:59,142
Where's Bob Eubanks?

384
00:23:01,942 --> 00:23:04,482
He wasn't mentioned.

385
00:23:04,483 --> 00:23:05,642
I don't get it, man.

386
00:23:05,643 --> 00:23:06,314
Uh, boss.

387
00:23:06,315 --> 00:23:08,347
What's so important about
a dumb recipe book?

388
00:23:08,348 --> 00:23:11,913
That dumb recipe book
contains more power

389
00:23:11,914 --> 00:23:14,292
than your feeble little
minds can ever imagine,

390
00:23:14,293 --> 00:23:16,180
and it rightfully belongs to me.

391
00:23:16,181 --> 00:23:19,259
I must have that book!

392
00:23:19,260 --> 00:23:20,429
Great. Just what I need.

393
00:23:20,430 --> 00:23:21,121
A house.

394
00:23:21,122 --> 00:23:25,406
I need a house in Fallwell
like I need a padded bra.

395
00:23:25,407 --> 00:23:26,213
I can't live here!

396
00:23:26,213 --> 00:23:27,516
I'll go crazy, I tell you!

397
00:23:30,787 --> 00:23:31,745
Crazy!

398
00:23:34,151 --> 00:23:35,552
May I offer you a ride?

399
00:23:35,553 --> 00:23:36,397
Buzz off, creep.

400
00:23:36,397 --> 00:23:37,163
I'm not in the mood.

401
00:23:37,164 --> 00:23:39,012
Oh, it's you, Uncle Vinny.

402
00:23:39,013 --> 00:23:41,305
Yes.

403
00:23:41,306 --> 00:23:42,829
Uncle Vinny.

404
00:23:42,830 --> 00:23:45,217
I must apologize for my
behavior in the office.

405
00:23:45,218 --> 00:23:48,400
It's just that your appearance
was a bit of a shock to me.

406
00:23:48,401 --> 00:23:49,073
It's OK.

407
00:23:49,074 --> 00:23:50,837
My appearance is kind of
a shock to everybody.

408
00:23:50,863 --> 00:23:51,278
Yes.

409
00:23:51,279 --> 00:23:54,825
Well, as you may have surmised,
my sister and I... well,

410
00:23:54,826 --> 00:23:58,441
let's just say we had
our differences.

411
00:23:58,442 --> 00:23:59,783
Yeah, I guess.

412
00:23:59,784 --> 00:24:00,838
You really got shafted.

413
00:24:00,839 --> 00:24:02,016
Uh, look.

414
00:24:02,017 --> 00:24:03,446
I'll tell you what, Uncle Vinny.

415
00:24:03,447 --> 00:24:05,173
Um, I'll share my
inheritance with you.

416
00:24:05,174 --> 00:24:06,159
You can have the dog.

417
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,081
No!

418
00:24:07,082 --> 00:24:08,882
Thank you.

419
00:24:08,883 --> 00:24:11,923
But I would be interested in
acquiring that recipe book.

420
00:24:11,924 --> 00:24:13,840
You know, for sentimental reasons.

421
00:24:13,841 --> 00:24:15,058
I'd be willing to pay you.

422
00:24:15,059 --> 00:24:16,698
Say, oh, $50.

423
00:24:16,699 --> 00:24:17,389
Hey, sure.

424
00:24:17,390 --> 00:24:18,922
I'll do it for $50.

425
00:24:18,923 --> 00:24:20,927
Oh!

426
00:24:20,928 --> 00:24:22,893
Vinny, you got
yourself a cookbook.

427
00:24:22,894 --> 00:24:24,725
That lawyer guy's taking me
over to the house, though.

428
00:24:24,725 --> 00:24:25,913
You can pick it up there later.

429
00:24:25,939 --> 00:24:26,394
Fine.

430
00:24:26,394 --> 00:24:27,151
I'll see you there.

431
00:24:27,152 --> 00:24:29,769
Oh, uh, don't forget
to bring the cash.

432
00:24:32,866 --> 00:24:34,208
Drive!

433
00:24:34,208 --> 00:24:36,797
If one of those
bottles should happen to fall,

434
00:24:36,798 --> 00:24:38,667
98... oh, we're here.

435
00:24:44,767 --> 00:24:46,664
Hey, this place ain't half bad.

436
00:24:46,665 --> 00:24:49,042
Bet you could get a bundle for it.

437
00:24:49,043 --> 00:24:50,605
Yes, you could.

438
00:24:50,606 --> 00:24:51,834
But your house is over there.

439
00:25:04,731 --> 00:25:07,607
Oh, Mr. Talbot, I just
wanted to thank you

440
00:25:07,608 --> 00:25:10,531
for that generous donation you
made to the Morality Club.

441
00:25:10,532 --> 00:25:11,347
You're quite welcome.

442
00:25:11,348 --> 00:25:14,319
You know, as I always
say, morals aren't cheap.

443
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,774
And speaking of cheap,
uh, a little birdie

444
00:25:16,775 --> 00:25:20,351
told me that that Elvira
woman is related to you.

445
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:23,735
Now, not that it's any of my
business, but then, of course,

446
00:25:23,736 --> 00:25:24,694
everything is.

447
00:25:24,695 --> 00:25:27,639
Believe me, I'm as anxious
to get rid of her as you are.

448
00:25:27,639 --> 00:25:28,415
Oh, good.

449
00:25:28,416 --> 00:25:29,863
You know, because someone like that

450
00:25:29,864 --> 00:25:32,020
comes to town, the
next thing you know,

451
00:25:32,021 --> 00:25:33,756
they're teaching sex
education in the schools

452
00:25:33,757 --> 00:25:35,990
and they're passing out
condoms to kindergartners.

453
00:25:35,991 --> 00:25:37,563
You remember when those
swarthy fellows...

454
00:25:37,588 --> 00:25:40,430
She won't be with us very long.

455
00:25:40,431 --> 00:25:41,102
Oh.

456
00:25:41,103 --> 00:25:48,744
Um, uh, why, uh... well, I
know I'm needed somewhere.

457
00:25:48,745 --> 00:25:49,915
Bye bye, now.

458
00:25:54,365 --> 00:25:55,323
Careful.

459
00:25:55,324 --> 00:25:56,435
Some of the boards are loose.

460
00:26:00,482 --> 00:26:01,843
What a dump.

461
00:26:01,844 --> 00:26:05,372
Like I said, the house
needs a little something.

462
00:26:05,373 --> 00:26:07,894
Yeah, like a wrecking ball.

463
00:26:11,662 --> 00:26:14,232
I think Algonquin likes you.

464
00:26:14,233 --> 00:26:14,933
Here, doggy.

465
00:26:14,933 --> 00:26:15,605
Go on.

466
00:26:15,606 --> 00:26:16,755
Go chase this into the street.

467
00:26:19,450 --> 00:26:21,021
I can't stand little dogs.

468
00:26:21,022 --> 00:26:22,834
Boy, if my aunt wasn't
dead, I'd kill her.

469
00:26:26,152 --> 00:26:27,963
Sorry, Aunt Morgana.

470
00:26:27,964 --> 00:26:28,922
Just kidding.

471
00:26:33,028 --> 00:26:36,152
Here's the rest of
your inheritance.

472
00:26:36,153 --> 00:26:37,726
Your great aunt's recipe book.

473
00:26:42,521 --> 00:26:43,499
Oh, yeah.

474
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:44,467
Some inheritance.

475
00:26:44,468 --> 00:26:47,708
Well, at least I'm
getting $50 for it.

476
00:26:47,709 --> 00:26:50,028
Say, how much you think I
could get for this place?

477
00:26:50,029 --> 00:26:51,888
Well, even though the
house is in disrepair,

478
00:26:51,889 --> 00:26:53,768
it is in a prime location.

479
00:26:53,769 --> 00:26:56,885
I'd venture to say you
could get, um, $70,000.

480
00:26:56,886 --> 00:26:58,121
$70,000?

481
00:26:58,122 --> 00:26:59,780
Maybe more if it were fixed up.

482
00:26:59,781 --> 00:27:01,458
Would you be interested in selling?

483
00:27:01,459 --> 00:27:02,753
Does a chicken have a pecker?

484
00:27:02,754 --> 00:27:03,712
Of course I'm interested!

485
00:27:12,315 --> 00:27:13,858
Now, what am I gonna do with you?

486
00:27:23,735 --> 00:27:26,582
That's more like it, Algonquin.

487
00:27:26,583 --> 00:27:28,424
Algonquin.

488
00:27:28,425 --> 00:27:30,466
What a sissy name.

489
00:27:30,467 --> 00:27:32,758
Let's see, what do I call you?

490
00:27:32,759 --> 00:27:33,754
I know, Gonk.

491
00:27:33,755 --> 00:27:35,653
How do you like that?

492
00:27:46,595 --> 00:27:48,052
Yeah, hold your horses.

493
00:27:51,706 --> 00:27:52,722
Hi, Uncle Vinny.

494
00:27:52,723 --> 00:27:53,950
You're here for the book, right?

495
00:27:53,975 --> 00:27:55,369
Come on in.

496
00:27:55,370 --> 00:27:57,094
Oh, can I make you a cup
of tea or something?

497
00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:58,821
I wouldn't want to put
you to any trouble.

498
00:27:58,822 --> 00:28:00,432
Mm, good point.

499
00:28:00,433 --> 00:28:02,369
I can't stay very long anyway.

500
00:28:02,370 --> 00:28:04,747
Say, you wouldn't want to
buy a house, would you?

501
00:28:04,747 --> 00:28:05,639
I'm afraid not.

502
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:06,943
I'll sell it to you really cheap.

503
00:28:06,969 --> 00:28:08,065
Uh, no thank you.

504
00:28:08,066 --> 00:28:09,944
Vinny, they don't make
houses like this anymore.

505
00:28:09,969 --> 00:28:11,536
I mean, look at the detailing.

506
00:28:11,537 --> 00:28:14,815
Look... look at the craftsmanship.

507
00:28:14,816 --> 00:28:16,810
What would you pay for
a house like this?

508
00:28:16,811 --> 00:28:18,795
Don't answer, because you
not only get a house.

509
00:28:18,796 --> 00:28:20,224
If you act right now, you also get

510
00:28:20,224 --> 00:28:21,672
all this beautiful furniture!

511
00:28:21,673 --> 00:28:22,802
Now what would you pay?

512
00:28:22,803 --> 00:28:24,107
I'm telling you, it's a jewel box.

513
00:28:24,133 --> 00:28:24,673
A gem.

514
00:28:24,674 --> 00:28:25,727
A love hutch for two.

515
00:28:25,728 --> 00:28:27,166
I'd bend over backwards
to make you a deal.

516
00:28:27,167 --> 00:28:28,231
I'll bend over forwards.

517
00:28:28,231 --> 00:28:29,851
Why, I'd stand on my
head and eat a bug.

518
00:28:29,852 --> 00:28:31,195
I... No!

519
00:28:31,196 --> 00:28:33,830
Just the book.

520
00:28:33,831 --> 00:28:34,503
OK.

521
00:28:34,504 --> 00:28:37,830
I mean, if you're gonna
get crabby about it.

522
00:28:43,690 --> 00:28:44,648
That's weird.

523
00:28:44,649 --> 00:28:47,093
I would've sworn the book
was just on that table.

524
00:28:47,094 --> 00:28:48,857
You promised me that book.

525
00:28:48,858 --> 00:28:50,420
Hey, don't get your
panties in a bunch.

526
00:28:50,421 --> 00:28:52,711
It didn't just walk away.

527
00:28:52,712 --> 00:28:53,575
I'm sure it'll turn up.

528
00:28:53,576 --> 00:28:55,617
Yes!

529
00:28:55,618 --> 00:28:58,178
Of course it will.

530
00:28:58,178 --> 00:28:59,137
Forgive me.

531
00:29:05,245 --> 00:29:07,594
He thinks he's a pit bull.

532
00:29:18,737 --> 00:29:20,500
Good thing I'm not gonna
be here very long.

533
00:29:20,501 --> 00:29:22,035
The neighbors would
never get any sleep.

534
00:29:29,613 --> 00:29:30,570
About time, doofus.

535
00:29:30,571 --> 00:29:32,813
Did you bring the camera?

536
00:29:32,814 --> 00:29:34,223
Do I look like an idiot?

537
00:29:34,224 --> 00:29:36,227
Do you really want
me to answer that?

538
00:29:36,228 --> 00:29:37,168
Shut up, you guys.

539
00:29:37,169 --> 00:29:38,577
She's gonna hear us.

540
00:29:48,348 --> 00:29:50,640
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's

541
00:29:50,641 --> 00:29:55,031
the most drop dead
gorgeous one of all?

542
00:29:55,032 --> 00:29:56,749
Oh, you're just saying that.

543
00:30:15,812 --> 00:30:18,200
What do you see?

544
00:30:18,201 --> 00:30:20,107
In a minute, in a minute!

545
00:30:20,108 --> 00:30:21,535
Ow, my fingers!

546
00:30:21,536 --> 00:30:22,965
Guys, I can't see a thing!

547
00:30:22,966 --> 00:30:23,923
In a minute!

548
00:30:28,010 --> 00:30:28,967
Whoa.

549
00:30:34,405 --> 00:30:36,313
Hey, don't drop me!

550
00:30:41,551 --> 00:30:42,508
Ow!

551
00:30:42,509 --> 00:30:44,407
What do you see?

552
00:30:55,176 --> 00:30:56,133
Awesome!

553
00:30:59,663 --> 00:31:00,621
I gotcha.

554
00:31:10,623 --> 00:31:13,020
Haven't you boys got someplace
else to hang around?

555
00:31:13,020 --> 00:31:16,884
I heard you might need a little
help fixing up the place.

556
00:31:16,885 --> 00:31:18,523
That's very thoughtful,
but why don't you

557
00:31:18,524 --> 00:31:20,259
come back when the light's better?

558
00:31:20,260 --> 00:31:22,456
Good night.

559
00:31:26,733 --> 00:31:27,998
You blew it!

560
00:31:27,999 --> 00:31:29,225
Did you see those gazongas?

561
00:31:29,226 --> 00:31:30,290
I saw them.

562
00:31:30,291 --> 00:31:30,961
I got it!

563
00:31:30,962 --> 00:31:32,851
All right!

564
00:31:32,851 --> 00:31:34,279
Yeah!

565
00:31:42,143 --> 00:31:43,101
Elvira.

566
00:31:46,985 --> 00:31:47,943
Elvira.

567
00:31:58,924 --> 00:31:59,882
Elvira.

568
00:32:09,424 --> 00:32:10,383
Elvira.

569
00:32:52,595 --> 00:32:54,309
Oh, out, out, out!

570
00:32:54,310 --> 00:32:55,269
Out!

571
00:33:16,598 --> 00:33:17,555
Hi, Elvira.

572
00:33:17,555 --> 00:33:18,447
Hi.

573
00:33:18,448 --> 00:33:19,721
Oh, h you're here.

574
00:33:19,722 --> 00:33:21,216
Richie's folks run
the hardware store.

575
00:33:21,242 --> 00:33:23,192
And we got lots of paint.

576
00:33:23,193 --> 00:33:23,864
Oh, do you?

577
00:33:23,865 --> 00:33:25,657
Too bad they don't own the bank.

578
00:33:25,658 --> 00:33:27,038
Uh, I'll be right down.

579
00:33:29,532 --> 00:33:30,490
Let's do it.

580
00:33:36,475 --> 00:33:37,433
Hey, Elvira!

581
00:33:37,434 --> 00:33:39,436
We got us a couple more volunteers.

582
00:33:39,437 --> 00:33:40,108
Great!

583
00:33:40,109 --> 00:33:42,131
Just grab a tool and start banging.

584
00:33:53,610 --> 00:33:55,047
Hi, Elvira.

585
00:33:55,048 --> 00:33:56,006
Hi, Robin.

586
00:33:56,007 --> 00:33:56,966
Come on in.

587
00:34:01,751 --> 00:34:05,500
Randy, can you hand me that rag?

588
00:34:05,501 --> 00:34:07,081
Randy!

589
00:34:07,082 --> 00:34:08,261
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

590
00:34:08,262 --> 00:34:09,219
Sure.

591
00:34:13,545 --> 00:34:16,326
Young lady!

592
00:34:16,327 --> 00:34:19,768
Robin Meeker, what in
tar nation are you doing here?

593
00:34:19,769 --> 00:34:21,754
You're gonna pay dearly!

594
00:34:21,755 --> 00:34:22,425
Robin!

595
00:34:22,426 --> 00:34:24,514
I'm going to find out
about this, young lady!

596
00:34:24,515 --> 00:34:25,187
Robin!

597
00:34:25,188 --> 00:34:26,240
Come over here!

598
00:34:26,241 --> 00:34:29,069
When are you going to learn
to do what you're told?

599
00:34:29,070 --> 00:34:30,795
You're going to learn
to do what you're told.

600
00:34:50,723 --> 00:34:51,681
Lemonade!

601
00:35:00,408 --> 00:35:02,306
It's fabulous!

602
00:35:09,038 --> 00:35:11,156
I tell you, I nearly died.

603
00:35:11,157 --> 00:35:14,637
There she was, parading around
in clothes that couldn't

604
00:35:14,638 --> 00:35:16,526
keep a titmouse dry in a drizzle.

605
00:35:16,527 --> 00:35:19,211
I mean, it was next to nothing.

606
00:35:19,212 --> 00:35:21,887
I'd say it was next to plenty.

607
00:35:21,888 --> 00:35:23,995
And she had half the
teenagers in town

608
00:35:23,996 --> 00:35:27,295
writhing around to
that jungle music.

609
00:35:27,296 --> 00:35:30,757
And this morning, on my regular
tour of the boys' lavatory,

610
00:35:30,758 --> 00:35:31,716
I confiscated this.

611
00:35:39,013 --> 00:35:41,411
I'll be making the
announcement this afternoon.

612
00:35:41,412 --> 00:35:45,840
Henceforth, all students will be
subject to immediate expulsion

613
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:49,522
if they are found in the
company of that floozy!

614
00:35:49,523 --> 00:35:50,195
Please.

615
00:35:50,195 --> 00:35:53,253
I don't think we need to
resort to name calling.

616
00:35:53,254 --> 00:35:56,648
I think what Calvin is trying
to say is that this Elvira is

617
00:35:56,649 --> 00:36:01,615
a person of easy virtue, a
purveyor of pulchritude, a one

618
00:36:01,616 --> 00:36:03,637
woman Sodom and
Gomorrah, if you will.

619
00:36:03,638 --> 00:36:07,397
A slimy, slithering succubus!

620
00:36:07,398 --> 00:36:13,179
A concubine, a street walker, a
tramp, a slut, a cheap whore!

621
00:36:13,180 --> 00:36:14,799
She'll be nothing but a bad dream

622
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,429
just as soon as she
sells that property.

623
00:36:16,430 --> 00:36:18,423
An open house has already
been planned for tomorrow.

624
00:36:18,449 --> 00:36:21,377
What... what if she
decides not to sell?

625
00:36:21,378 --> 00:36:23,391
What if she decides to settle here?

626
00:36:23,392 --> 00:36:26,201
Well, if she's morally
unfit, then we

627
00:36:26,202 --> 00:36:28,023
have every right to do anything we

628
00:36:28,024 --> 00:36:29,414
can to get her out of this town.

629
00:36:29,414 --> 00:36:30,287
Are we agreed?

630
00:36:30,287 --> 00:36:30,958
Absolutely.

631
00:36:30,958 --> 00:36:31,629
Hear, hear.

632
00:36:31,630 --> 00:36:34,160
Maybe we're not being
entirely objective about this!

633
00:36:34,161 --> 00:36:35,952
Shut up, Leslie!

634
00:36:35,953 --> 00:36:36,911
Then it's unanimous.

635
00:36:39,703 --> 00:36:42,665
Carol,
Fallwell Real Estate.

636
00:36:42,666 --> 00:36:44,162
Boy, I sure hope
you've got a buyer.

637
00:36:44,163 --> 00:36:47,230
I haven't had so much
as a lookie loo.

638
00:36:47,231 --> 00:36:48,189
Don't worry.

639
00:36:50,453 --> 00:36:52,293
I have some wealthy
investor friends

640
00:36:52,294 --> 00:36:53,750
that would buy this
house in a minute.

641
00:36:53,776 --> 00:36:56,551
That is, if you play
your cards right.

642
00:36:56,551 --> 00:37:00,051
Oh, honey, I'd do anything
to get rid of this rat trap.

643
00:37:00,052 --> 00:37:00,799
That's what I like.

644
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:01,968
A motivated seller.

645
00:37:01,969 --> 00:37:04,595
It's all a matter of technique.

646
00:37:04,596 --> 00:37:10,263
For starters, let's try
and set the proper mood.

647
00:37:10,264 --> 00:37:11,288
Oh, good idea.

648
00:37:11,289 --> 00:37:14,913
I mean, the less they
see, the better.

649
00:37:14,914 --> 00:37:17,100
It's usually a matter of
getting close to the buyer.

650
00:37:17,101 --> 00:37:18,901
Tell them all about the
potential appreciation,

651
00:37:18,927 --> 00:37:23,123
and guide him through
every nook and cranny.

652
00:37:23,124 --> 00:37:26,008
Slowly unveil everything
from the balcony

653
00:37:26,009 --> 00:37:28,395
to the basement, one
area at a time.

654
00:37:28,396 --> 00:37:31,052
Then, when he's so enthralled
he's ready to burst,

655
00:37:31,053 --> 00:37:33,037
you clinch the deal!

656
00:37:33,038 --> 00:37:33,709
Ow!

657
00:37:33,710 --> 00:37:35,089
You'll be sorry!

658
00:37:35,090 --> 00:37:39,240
You'll never sell this
place without me!

659
00:37:39,241 --> 00:37:43,346
Just because this house is up
for grabs doesn't mean I am!

660
00:37:44,842 --> 00:37:47,077
Get this dog off me!

661
00:37:50,318 --> 00:37:51,276
Get back!

662
00:37:51,277 --> 00:37:52,235
Get out of here!

663
00:38:24,398 --> 00:38:26,411
Calm down, Manny, she says!

664
00:38:26,412 --> 00:38:28,942
I've got the Flamingo breathing
down my neck to cough up

665
00:38:28,943 --> 00:38:30,590
the dough to hold that
showroom, and you're

666
00:38:30,616 --> 00:38:31,541
telling me to calm down?

667
00:38:31,542 --> 00:38:33,832
I told you, I'll come
up with the money!

668
00:38:33,833 --> 00:38:37,428
Heck, I was just six inches
from selling this house today.

669
00:38:37,429 --> 00:38:41,158
Look, kid, you better get
that money here pronto,

670
00:38:41,159 --> 00:38:42,980
or you're through, you hear me?

671
00:38:42,981 --> 00:38:46,250
The only m room you'll see in
Vegas will have Toyotas in it!

672
00:38:57,078 --> 00:39:01,852
And now I understand she
is out looking for a job?

673
00:39:09,111 --> 00:39:11,009
There she is.

674
00:39:11,010 --> 00:39:12,898
Mm.

675
00:39:12,899 --> 00:39:13,857
Let's go.

676
00:39:35,645 --> 00:39:38,117
There's no book upstairs,
but I found these panties.

677
00:39:38,118 --> 00:39:38,885
Try one.

678
00:39:38,886 --> 00:39:39,844
They're edible.

679
00:39:42,224 --> 00:39:44,618
Mm!

680
00:39:44,619 --> 00:39:46,048
Mmph!

681
00:39:46,049 --> 00:39:49,289
Now keep looking.

682
00:40:04,757 --> 00:40:07,498
Excuses, excuses.

683
00:40:07,499 --> 00:40:09,752
We turned the place inside out.

684
00:40:09,753 --> 00:40:10,424
Yeah.

685
00:40:10,425 --> 00:40:12,619
And tell him about the dog.

686
00:40:12,620 --> 00:40:14,612
Well, it must have been the
size of a water buffalo.

687
00:40:14,638 --> 00:40:15,596
Quiet!

688
00:40:17,750 --> 00:40:19,965
Now listen to me very carefully.

689
00:40:19,966 --> 00:40:21,268
I want you to go to the courthouse

690
00:40:21,294 --> 00:40:23,360
and remove all the records
of the town ordinances

691
00:40:23,361 --> 00:40:24,481
and bring them back to me.

692
00:40:24,482 --> 00:40:26,572
Do you understand?

693
00:40:26,573 --> 00:40:28,442
Yeah.

694
00:40:28,443 --> 00:40:29,669
Then get out!

695
00:40:45,512 --> 00:40:48,329
Oh.

696
00:40:58,649 --> 00:40:59,607
Ow!

697
00:40:59,608 --> 00:41:01,313
Oh my gosh, Elvira!

698
00:41:01,314 --> 00:41:02,751
I'm sorry!

699
00:41:02,752 --> 00:41:04,679
Are you all right?

700
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:05,514
Yeah, I think so.

701
00:41:05,515 --> 00:41:06,540
How's your head?

702
00:41:06,541 --> 00:41:09,320
I haven't had any complaints yet.

703
00:41:09,321 --> 00:41:11,171
Excuse me?

704
00:41:11,172 --> 00:41:13,644
Uh, I think I'll live.

705
00:41:13,645 --> 00:41:14,795
Believe me, it's not
the worst thing

706
00:41:14,796 --> 00:41:15,688
that's happened to me today.

707
00:41:15,689 --> 00:41:17,212
I've been to every
place in this town,

708
00:41:17,213 --> 00:41:18,363
and no one will give me a job.

709
00:41:18,389 --> 00:41:21,978
It's... it's like it's a
conspiracy or something.

710
00:41:21,979 --> 00:41:24,394
You know what your problem is?

711
00:41:24,395 --> 00:41:25,698
Chastity Pariah.

712
00:41:25,699 --> 00:41:28,364
Ooh, I thought that cleared up.

713
00:41:28,365 --> 00:41:29,592
No, Chastity Pariah.

714
00:41:29,593 --> 00:41:30,370
She's the old biddy.

715
00:41:30,371 --> 00:41:32,344
She's got the whole town
turned against you.

716
00:41:32,345 --> 00:41:33,015
Oh, swell.

717
00:41:33,016 --> 00:41:37,512
So now no one'll hire me,
and I'm flat busted!

718
00:41:37,513 --> 00:41:40,714
No, I mean I'm broke.

719
00:41:40,715 --> 00:41:43,256
I'd hire you if I could, but
I'm barely making enough money

720
00:41:43,256 --> 00:41:44,627
to stay in business as it is.

721
00:41:44,628 --> 00:41:45,376
Duh.

722
00:41:45,376 --> 00:41:46,047
Not surprised.

723
00:41:46,048 --> 00:41:49,882
I mean, who wants to pay to see
some quack making duck calls?

724
00:41:49,883 --> 00:41:53,507
And besides that, Bob, you
got an extra E in matinee.

725
00:41:53,508 --> 00:41:54,178
No I don't.

726
00:41:54,179 --> 00:41:55,770
That's how you spell it.

727
00:41:55,771 --> 00:41:57,735
Uh, Bob, I'm in show business.

728
00:41:57,736 --> 00:41:59,128
I think I know how
to spell matinee.

729
00:42:09,733 --> 00:42:12,561
Oh!

730
00:42:21,076 --> 00:42:24,365
Oh, Bob, how can I ever repay you?

731
00:42:24,366 --> 00:42:27,884
Here, let me try.

732
00:42:27,885 --> 00:42:28,844
You witch!

733
00:42:38,912 --> 00:42:40,551
I guess I better get back to work.

734
00:42:40,552 --> 00:42:42,104
The matinee's going to start soon.

735
00:42:42,105 --> 00:42:45,557
Oh, yeah, I can see the
crowds lining up now.

736
00:42:45,558 --> 00:42:47,934
Bobby, baby, you are
going to go broke

737
00:42:47,935 --> 00:42:51,051
showing turkeys like these.

738
00:42:51,052 --> 00:42:53,515
You got a better idea?

739
00:42:53,516 --> 00:42:56,815
It just so happens that I
have some of the classic films

740
00:42:56,816 --> 00:43:00,429
of all time in the trunk of my car.

741
00:43:00,429 --> 00:43:02,617
As a matter of fact...

742
00:43:49,901 --> 00:43:54,636
He who holds the book of sight,
when the moon is drained of all

743
00:43:54,637 --> 00:43:59,623
its light, will then be ruler of
the night, master of the dark.

744
00:44:02,213 --> 00:44:07,793
The lunar eclipse, Morgana,
is less than a week away.

745
00:44:07,794 --> 00:44:10,882
When the moon is drained
of all its light.

746
00:44:16,501 --> 00:44:20,173
There's nothing you can do!

747
00:44:20,174 --> 00:44:22,857
You're dead, and I'm not!

748
00:44:38,432 --> 00:44:39,801
Oh, there you are.

749
00:44:39,802 --> 00:44:42,439
I have been looking all
over for you guys.

750
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:44,672
You are not going to
believe the good news.

751
00:44:44,673 --> 00:44:47,827
Yours truly is hosting a
special midnight screening

752
00:44:47,828 --> 00:44:51,913
at Bob's Theater of one of
the worst movies ever made.

753
00:44:51,914 --> 00:44:54,454
I mean, it is bad.

754
00:44:54,455 --> 00:44:56,947
You know, like bad as in bad.

755
00:44:56,948 --> 00:45:00,869
Like, I'm bad, Jamal, you know it.

756
00:45:00,870 --> 00:45:02,585
Hey, what is this?

757
00:45:02,586 --> 00:45:04,436
The Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

758
00:45:04,437 --> 00:45:06,075
Two days ago, we
were bosom buddies.

759
00:45:06,076 --> 00:45:07,275
It's the principal.

760
00:45:07,276 --> 00:45:08,885
You're darn right,
it's a principle.

761
00:45:08,886 --> 00:45:10,333
Friends ought a stick together.

762
00:45:10,334 --> 00:45:11,302
No.

763
00:45:11,303 --> 00:45:12,490
I mean the principal, Mr. Cobb.

764
00:45:12,516 --> 00:45:15,291
He'd kill us if we
went to your show.

765
00:45:15,292 --> 00:45:16,710
Not to mention our parents.

766
00:45:16,711 --> 00:45:17,957
Kill your parents, too?

767
00:45:17,958 --> 00:45:18,629
No.

768
00:45:18,630 --> 00:45:22,828
Our parents would never let
us stay out that late.

769
00:45:22,829 --> 00:45:23,500
Oh.

770
00:45:23,501 --> 00:45:25,743
I see.

771
00:45:25,744 --> 00:45:27,948
Well, the last thing I want to do

772
00:45:27,949 --> 00:45:29,981
is get you guys in any trouble.

773
00:45:29,982 --> 00:45:34,968
I mean, so what if it blows my
only chance at making a living?

774
00:45:34,969 --> 00:45:37,547
That's not your problem.

775
00:45:37,548 --> 00:45:41,661
And if I get so depressed I wind up

776
00:45:41,662 --> 00:45:44,365
hanging myself in the oven, hey!

777
00:45:44,366 --> 00:45:46,236
Those are the breaks.

778
00:45:49,035 --> 00:45:51,289
And if they ever ask
about me, tell them

779
00:45:51,290 --> 00:45:53,091
I was more than just a
great set of boobs.

780
00:45:53,092 --> 00:45:57,234
I was also an incredible
pair of legs.

781
00:45:57,235 --> 00:46:02,988
And tell them... tell them that
I never turned down a friend.

782
00:46:02,988 --> 00:46:06,075
That I never turned down a
stranger, for that matter.

783
00:46:06,076 --> 00:46:09,019
And tell them... tell them that
when all is said and done,

784
00:46:09,020 --> 00:46:11,752
I only ask that people remember
me by two simple words.

785
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,809
Any two, as long as they're simple.

786
00:46:25,187 --> 00:46:27,909
We all decide to help
Elvira, what can Cobb do?

787
00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:30,853
He can expel us all.

788
00:46:30,854 --> 00:46:34,833
I don't know about the rest
of you, but I'll be there.

789
00:46:38,918 --> 00:46:39,876
Me too.

790
00:46:39,877 --> 00:46:42,571
Count on me.

791
00:46:42,572 --> 00:46:43,914
We're sorry, Elvira.

792
00:46:43,915 --> 00:46:47,691
We'll all come to your show.

793
00:46:47,692 --> 00:46:48,986
Great!

794
00:46:48,987 --> 00:46:50,942
12:00 sharp.

795
00:46:50,943 --> 00:46:52,362
Be there or be square.

796
00:46:55,191 --> 00:46:57,377
All right, 12:30, my old man's
out watching.

797
00:47:32,272 --> 00:47:33,230
Oof!

798
00:48:16,086 --> 00:48:17,513
Oh, that looks great!

799
00:48:17,514 --> 00:48:18,252
You really like it?

800
00:48:18,252 --> 00:48:18,924
Yeah!

801
00:48:18,925 --> 00:48:20,418
Elvira, where do you want this?

802
00:48:20,419 --> 00:48:21,771
Just right up there.

803
00:48:21,772 --> 00:48:22,442
OK.

804
00:48:22,443 --> 00:48:23,728
What's the bucket for?

805
00:48:23,729 --> 00:48:26,211
I tell you, oh, it's so cool!

806
00:48:26,212 --> 00:48:28,367
This is the part that I
ripped off... uh, I mean,

807
00:48:28,368 --> 00:48:30,688
that was inspired by Flashdance.

808
00:48:30,689 --> 00:48:35,570
I reach up, I pull this
rope, and my entire body

809
00:48:35,571 --> 00:48:37,650
is covered in gold glitter!

810
00:48:37,651 --> 00:48:38,543
Could you die?

811
00:48:38,544 --> 00:48:39,789
Oh, all right.

812
00:48:39,790 --> 00:48:41,054
Oh, God, I'm telling you, that's

813
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:42,728
a guaranteed standing ovulation.

814
00:49:10,043 --> 00:49:12,420
You're late.

815
00:49:12,421 --> 00:49:15,767
Where t guy gets pureed!

816
00:49:15,768 --> 00:49:16,793
Don't worry.

817
00:49:16,794 --> 00:49:17,465
They're Italian.

818
00:49:17,466 --> 00:49:19,229
They'll wind up making a
great marinara sauce.

819
00:49:26,019 --> 00:49:26,977
Ronnie?

820
00:49:29,567 --> 00:49:32,913
Is that you?

821
00:49:32,914 --> 00:49:34,350
Man.

822
00:49:34,351 --> 00:49:37,697
Oh, this is where the heroine
gets grabbed by the tomatoes!

823
00:49:37,698 --> 00:49:38,657
I can't look!

824
00:50:04,970 --> 00:50:07,654
Oh, boy, this ending's
so bad the tomatoes ought

825
00:50:07,655 --> 00:50:12,899
to start throwing rotten
people at the screen.

826
00:50:21,502 --> 00:50:24,367
OK, don't anybody move, because
the best is yet to come.

827
00:50:24,368 --> 00:50:30,092
Ladies and dobermans, it's
time for the grand finale!

828
00:51:33,612 --> 00:51:34,848
Patty!

829
00:51:34,849 --> 00:51:35,807
Ugh!

830
00:51:43,163 --> 00:51:47,371
I have never been so
humiliated in my entire life!

831
00:51:47,372 --> 00:51:51,236
Just wait until I get
my hands on that Patty.

832
00:51:51,237 --> 00:51:54,151
I'm going to rip every single
bleach blond e hair out

833
00:51:54,152 --> 00:51:56,107
of her scalp, gouge
out her eyeballs,

834
00:51:56,108 --> 00:51:58,744
and use her head for
a bowling ball!

835
00:51:58,745 --> 00:52:02,234
I'm telling you, they are
not gonna get away with it!

836
00:52:02,235 --> 00:52:04,814
That barf bag Chastity
blacklisting me out of a job,

837
00:52:04,815 --> 00:52:07,422
and that sleazeoid of a
high school principal

838
00:52:07,423 --> 00:52:09,378
turning all the kids against me!

839
00:52:09,379 --> 00:52:12,466
And that bench sniffing
real estate letch,

840
00:52:12,467 --> 00:52:15,160
trying to get his
commission in the sack!

841
00:52:15,161 --> 00:52:16,819
I'll get even with
every one of them

842
00:52:16,820 --> 00:52:18,326
if it's the last thing I do!

843
00:52:25,336 --> 00:52:27,301
What's that perfume
you're wearing?

844
00:52:27,302 --> 00:52:28,404
Super unleaded.

845
00:52:28,405 --> 00:52:29,363
Don't smoke.

846
00:52:36,076 --> 00:52:39,037
Well, here's to my big opening.

847
00:52:39,038 --> 00:52:42,337
I mean... oh, forget it.

848
00:52:49,338 --> 00:52:51,215
Uh, don't you kids think
it's past your bedtime?

849
00:52:51,216 --> 00:52:51,888
Oh, heck no.

850
00:52:51,889 --> 00:52:54,054
I'm not tired... ouch!

851
00:52:54,055 --> 00:52:57,190
It is getting awfully late.

852
00:52:57,191 --> 00:52:57,862
Yeah.

853
00:52:57,862 --> 00:52:59,779
We'd better be going.

854
00:52:59,780 --> 00:53:01,448
Yep, well, see you dudes tomorrow.

855
00:53:35,566 --> 00:53:36,524
Ow!

856
00:53:40,054 --> 00:53:42,010
There's the darn recipe book.

857
00:53:42,011 --> 00:53:43,591
How'd it get under there?

858
00:53:49,202 --> 00:53:50,870
Oh, that reminds me, I'm starving.

859
00:53:50,871 --> 00:53:54,129
Mm, me too.

860
00:53:54,130 --> 00:53:55,904
Uh, let's go get something to eat.

861
00:53:55,905 --> 00:53:57,974
There's an all night truck
stop out on the interstate.

862
00:53:58,000 --> 00:53:59,884
No no no no no no no, Bob.

863
00:53:59,885 --> 00:54:01,877
I've got a better idea.

864
00:54:01,878 --> 00:54:04,975
Why don't you set the table while I

865
00:54:04,976 --> 00:54:06,903
see what I can whip
up in the kitchen?

866
00:54:13,712 --> 00:54:15,850
My aunt sure had lousy penmanship.

867
00:54:15,851 --> 00:54:19,090
I can't read a word of this stuff.

868
00:54:19,091 --> 00:54:20,547
Looks like it was
written in some kind

869
00:54:20,573 --> 00:54:24,221
of foreign language or something.

870
00:54:24,222 --> 00:54:26,110
Hey, wait, look at this.

871
00:54:26,111 --> 00:54:28,670
Adraka Kozerol.

872
00:54:28,671 --> 00:54:30,262
Kozerol.

873
00:54:30,263 --> 00:54:31,365
Oh, casserole!

874
00:54:31,366 --> 00:54:33,167
Hm, that sounds good.

875
00:54:33,168 --> 00:54:33,840
OK, let's see.

876
00:54:33,841 --> 00:54:35,200
What does it say here?

877
00:54:35,201 --> 00:54:36,159
One edreziba.

878
00:54:38,166 --> 00:54:39,123
Huh.

879
00:54:39,124 --> 00:54:41,146
Wonder where she keeps the
edreziba around here.

880
00:54:48,253 --> 00:54:52,145
Whoa, this is some spice rack.

881
00:54:52,146 --> 00:54:53,678
Tramazul.

882
00:54:53,679 --> 00:54:56,306
Columbra, corder ox.

883
00:54:56,307 --> 00:54:58,454
Ah, here it is.

884
00:54:58,455 --> 00:54:59,412
Edreziba.

885
00:55:05,973 --> 00:55:06,931
One edreziba.

886
00:55:12,493 --> 00:55:13,826
OK, one half of a lemgra.

887
00:55:17,825 --> 00:55:20,778
Ugh, looks like the
lemgra went bad.

888
00:55:20,779 --> 00:55:24,143
I don't know, it says it's
good until June of next year.

889
00:55:24,144 --> 00:55:24,892
What the heck?

890
00:55:24,893 --> 00:55:27,576
I got a cast iron stomach.

891
00:55:27,577 --> 00:55:29,119
OK then, let's see.

892
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,894
Two to three golitra.

893
00:55:30,895 --> 00:55:31,853
Golitra.

894
00:55:34,174 --> 00:55:35,133
Uh, let's see.

895
00:55:35,133 --> 00:55:36,091
One corder ox.

896
00:55:46,584 --> 00:55:47,542
Mm.

897
00:55:47,543 --> 00:55:49,323
Doesn't smell too bad.

898
00:55:49,324 --> 00:55:51,848
But it looks like ca ca doo doo.

899
00:56:17,154 --> 00:56:18,112
There.

900
00:56:18,113 --> 00:56:19,272
That's much better.

901
00:56:26,205 --> 00:56:27,163
It's soup!

902
00:56:32,102 --> 00:56:33,348
Mm, smells great.

903
00:56:33,349 --> 00:56:34,021
What is it?

904
00:56:34,021 --> 00:56:37,270
Oh, it's just a little
something I conjured up.

905
00:56:37,271 --> 00:56:38,229
Oh.

906
00:56:41,010 --> 00:56:43,157
Allow me.

907
00:56:43,158 --> 00:56:44,942
Thank you ever so much.

908
00:56:47,618 --> 00:56:52,296
Well, I hope you're hungry,
'cause here's dinner.

909
00:57:31,296 --> 00:57:34,153
The switch, Bob, the switch!

910
00:57:48,901 --> 00:57:51,816
First time I was ever an
appetizer for the main course.

911
00:57:51,817 --> 00:57:53,138
Where'd you learn how to cook?

912
00:57:53,139 --> 00:57:54,070
I didn't.

913
00:57:54,071 --> 00:57:56,343
I just followed the directions
in my aunt's... Gonk,

914
00:57:56,344 --> 00:57:57,569
what are you doing?

915
00:57:57,570 --> 00:57:58,779
Give me that cookbook!

916
00:58:03,555 --> 00:58:05,615
Gonk!

917
00:58:05,616 --> 00:58:07,322
Gonk, you get back here right now,

918
00:58:07,323 --> 00:58:10,227
or you are grounded for one week!

919
00:58:10,228 --> 00:58:12,500
Gonk!

920
00:58:12,500 --> 00:58:13,928
Gonk, come here.

921
00:58:18,695 --> 00:58:19,654
Deja vu.

922
00:58:28,705 --> 00:58:30,134
Wow.

923
00:58:30,135 --> 00:58:32,042
Gonk?

924
00:58:32,043 --> 00:58:33,951
Gonk, are you in here?

925
00:58:39,667 --> 00:58:44,910
Gonk, you are a very bad, bad dog.

926
00:58:44,911 --> 00:58:47,874
Oh, yuck, you slobbered
all over it.

927
00:58:50,578 --> 00:58:53,493
Now what do you want?

928
00:58:57,483 --> 00:58:59,017
I think he wants you
to open the trunk.

929
00:58:59,043 --> 00:59:01,545
Well, why didn't you just say so?

930
00:59:08,021 --> 00:59:10,707
Wow, look at all this cool junk!

931
00:59:13,239 --> 00:59:14,197
This could be you, Gonk.

932
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:17,591
Ew.

933
00:59:17,592 --> 00:59:19,251
I think I used to go
out with this guy.

934
00:59:25,359 --> 00:59:27,238
Take a look at this.

935
00:59:30,067 --> 00:59:31,600
Think it's for me?

936
00:59:31,601 --> 00:59:32,301
Go ahead.

937
00:59:32,302 --> 00:59:33,585
Open it.

938
00:59:33,586 --> 00:59:35,130
Mm, you open it.

939
00:59:40,721 --> 00:59:43,279
Dearest Elvira, for
all these years,

940
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,073
I protected you from the truth.

941
00:59:45,074 --> 00:59:48,497
But the time has now come
when your only protection

942
00:59:48,498 --> 00:59:50,347
is the truth.

943
00:59:50,348 --> 00:59:51,804
Say what?

944
00:59:51,805 --> 00:59:54,528
Let me see this.

945
00:59:54,529 --> 00:59:59,198
Your mother, Devana, was
an extraordinary woman.

946
00:59:59,198 --> 01:00:01,125
She was the true
mistress of the dark.

947
01:00:01,126 --> 01:00:03,695
But her power did not
go unchallenged.

948
01:00:03,696 --> 01:00:06,476
For 300 years, your Great.

949
01:00:06,477 --> 01:00:09,036
Uncle Vincent coveted her dominion.

950
01:00:09,037 --> 01:00:11,723
You 300?

951
01:00:11,724 --> 01:00:15,288
God, I hope I look that
good when I'm that old.

952
01:00:15,289 --> 01:00:17,580
He would have
destroyed you as he did her,

953
01:00:17,581 --> 01:00:19,220
had I not sent you away.

954
01:00:19,221 --> 01:00:22,144
I left you with all the power
you would need to protect

955
01:00:22,145 --> 01:00:24,763
yourself, and entrusted
you to my loyal familiar.

956
01:00:24,764 --> 01:00:25,913
What's that about a familiar?

957
01:00:25,939 --> 01:00:29,135
Bob, haven't you ever seen
any old Roger Corman movies?

958
01:00:29,136 --> 01:00:30,104
Every witch has one.

959
01:00:30,105 --> 01:00:31,676
They're like a...
Like a pet that can

960
01:00:31,677 --> 01:00:32,750
change into almost anything.

961
01:00:32,751 --> 01:00:33,710
Where was I?

962
01:00:33,710 --> 01:00:34,449
Oh, yeah.

963
01:00:34,450 --> 01:00:38,676
Um, but it wasn't you alone
that I sought to protect.

964
01:00:38,677 --> 01:00:40,192
It was the book.

965
01:00:40,193 --> 01:00:43,394
It contained your mother's magic.

966
01:00:43,395 --> 01:00:45,091
Our enemy
is a formidable one.

967
01:00:45,092 --> 01:00:47,478
Protect the book,
Elvira, and above all,

968
01:00:47,479 --> 01:00:49,867
keep it from Vincent when the moon

969
01:00:49,868 --> 01:00:53,204
falls under the Earth's shadow.

970
01:00:53,205 --> 01:00:58,938
Remember, you carry
the power with you.

971
01:00:58,939 --> 01:01:01,806
Your loving aunt, Morgana.

972
01:01:01,807 --> 01:01:03,023
Too macabre.

973
01:01:03,024 --> 01:01:05,210
I mean, like, I knew
I was different,

974
01:01:05,211 --> 01:01:07,099
but I didn't think I was
quite that different.

975
01:01:07,099 --> 01:01:09,304
No wonder Vinnie had
such a spa z attack

976
01:01:09,305 --> 01:01:10,877
when I couldn't find the book!

977
01:01:10,878 --> 01:01:12,996
Yeah, and you heard
what your aunt said.

978
01:01:12,997 --> 01:01:14,290
He can't get his hands on it!

979
01:01:14,291 --> 01:01:15,959
No way he's getting it now.

980
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:18,250
And here I am knocking myself out

981
01:01:18,251 --> 01:01:20,696
to make a living as a horror
hostess when I'm actually

982
01:01:20,697 --> 01:01:23,286
descended from, like, a major
metaphysical celebrity!

983
01:01:26,018 --> 01:01:28,032
All I have to do is just
find the right spell,

984
01:01:28,033 --> 01:01:31,005
and I can make the money
I need for Vegas!

985
01:01:31,005 --> 01:01:34,542
I mean really make the money.

986
01:01:34,543 --> 01:01:36,796
I don't think you should go
fooling with that book again.

987
01:01:36,797 --> 01:01:38,406
Look, look, Bob, here it is!

988
01:01:38,407 --> 01:01:40,209
Selsba Riki Moola!

989
01:01:40,210 --> 01:01:41,964
That's exactly what I need!

990
01:01:41,965 --> 01:01:43,077
Lots of moolah!

991
01:01:43,078 --> 01:01:44,506
OK, OK.

992
01:01:44,507 --> 01:01:46,778
Selsba Riki Moola Sheen.

993
01:01:46,779 --> 01:01:49,128
Hey, Elvira, I... I
don't think that...

994
01:01:53,712 --> 01:01:55,610
It's... it's working, Bob!

995
01:01:55,611 --> 01:01:56,569
It's working!

996
01:02:01,316 --> 01:02:03,223
Bob, are you still here?

997
01:02:03,224 --> 01:02:04,182
Right here.

998
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:13,762
What is this?

999
01:02:13,763 --> 01:02:18,537
Oh, why Bob.

1000
01:02:18,538 --> 01:02:21,894
You know, Bob, I may
be wrong, but I

1001
01:02:21,895 --> 01:02:24,367
think that might have
been a love spell.

1002
01:02:24,368 --> 01:02:26,545
Really?

1003
01:02:26,546 --> 01:02:28,693
Oh, Bob.

1004
01:02:28,694 --> 01:02:31,560
Bob!

1005
01:02:41,591 --> 01:02:43,497
Hold me, Bob.

1006
01:02:43,498 --> 01:02:44,457
Hold me.

1007
01:03:09,284 --> 01:03:12,294
Oh, Chastity, the
picnic's a great success.

1008
01:03:12,295 --> 01:03:16,035
Yes, I think it's something
we can all be proud of me for.

1009
01:03:24,454 --> 01:03:27,263
Come and get it!

1010
01:03:27,264 --> 01:03:29,650
Oh, now, you children, you're
acting like wild animals!

1011
01:03:29,651 --> 01:03:33,659
Get to the end of the line, now.

1012
01:03:33,660 --> 01:03:35,030
It all looks so good.

1013
01:03:35,031 --> 01:03:39,067
I can't remember when
I've been this hungry.

1014
01:03:39,068 --> 01:03:42,712
Oh, Melody, I see you've made
your famous Tic-Tac pie.

1015
01:03:49,577 --> 01:03:50,939
Oh!

1016
01:03:50,940 --> 01:03:52,004
Bob, what are you doing?

1017
01:03:52,004 --> 01:03:53,422
You scared the hell out of me.

1018
01:03:53,423 --> 01:03:55,071
What's going on?

1019
01:03:55,072 --> 01:03:57,602
Let's just say I'm
settling the score.

1020
01:03:57,603 --> 01:03:59,108
Oh, no.

1021
01:03:59,109 --> 01:04:01,745
Well, it is a potluck.

1022
01:04:01,746 --> 01:04:03,279
And believe me, when
they open that pot,

1023
01:04:03,305 --> 01:04:07,029
they're going to need all
the luck they can get.

1024
01:04:07,030 --> 01:04:10,030
Oh, I don't believe
I've had any of this.

1025
01:04:10,031 --> 01:04:12,285
Revenge is better than Christmas.

1026
01:04:18,251 --> 01:04:19,209
I don't get it.

1027
01:04:19,209 --> 01:04:20,962
What happened?

1028
01:04:20,963 --> 01:04:22,660
Looks like some sort of casserole.

1029
01:04:26,573 --> 01:04:27,828
Mm.

1030
01:04:27,828 --> 01:04:28,501
Mm!

1031
01:04:28,502 --> 01:04:30,263
This is marvelous.

1032
01:04:30,264 --> 01:04:31,386
I must get this recipe.

1033
01:04:37,956 --> 01:04:38,914
Oh, shoot!

1034
01:04:38,915 --> 01:04:40,879
Must have screwed it
up when I substituted

1035
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:44,235
the falengra with some
Hamburger Helper.

1036
01:04:44,236 --> 01:04:44,955
Oh, yes.

1037
01:04:44,956 --> 01:04:46,776
Thank you for my drink.

1038
01:04:46,777 --> 01:04:49,625
There.

1039
01:04:49,626 --> 01:04:50,583
Ah, oh.

1040
01:04:55,321 --> 01:04:57,976
Mm!

1041
01:04:57,977 --> 01:04:58,935
Mmm.

1042
01:05:10,511 --> 01:05:14,585
I feel a little odd.

1043
01:05:17,434 --> 01:05:19,810
Suddenly it's very warm.

1044
01:05:30,916 --> 01:05:32,076
Remind you of anything?

1045
01:05:35,192 --> 01:05:36,947
Remind you of anything?

1046
01:05:42,614 --> 01:05:44,032
Give me that!

1047
01:05:44,033 --> 01:05:44,991
It's mine!

1048
01:05:56,192 --> 01:05:58,868
Oh boy, am I a horn dog.

1049
01:06:06,108 --> 01:06:07,066
Excuse me.

1050
01:06:07,067 --> 01:06:08,975
Is this face taken?

1051
01:06:25,622 --> 01:06:27,050
Come on, stud.

1052
01:06:27,051 --> 01:06:28,008
Let's boogie!

1053
01:06:37,033 --> 01:06:39,411
Hey, Leslie, let's mambo.

1054
01:06:55,108 --> 01:06:57,419
That's an interesting dish.

1055
01:06:57,420 --> 01:07:00,008
Where did you learn how to make it?

1056
01:07:00,009 --> 01:07:04,140
Oh, it's just an
old family recipe.

1057
01:07:04,141 --> 01:07:05,396
All right.

1058
01:07:05,397 --> 01:07:09,318
I'll give you $500 for the book.

1059
01:07:09,319 --> 01:07:11,773
What, do I look like I just
fell off the tuna truck?

1060
01:07:11,774 --> 01:07:13,548
The deal's off, uncle!

1061
01:07:13,549 --> 01:07:16,280
You think you're pretty
clever, don't you?

1062
01:07:16,281 --> 01:07:21,076
Well, mark my words, I'll get
you, and your little dog, too!

1063
01:07:26,273 --> 01:07:27,231
Help.

1064
01:07:32,573 --> 01:07:34,442
No!

1065
01:07:34,443 --> 01:07:36,580
Oh, you again.

1066
01:07:36,581 --> 01:07:39,908
Do you always wear the same dress?

1067
01:07:39,909 --> 01:07:44,338
No, sometimes I like to wear
something low cut and sexy.

1068
01:07:44,339 --> 01:07:47,321
Well, I guess in your business,
it pays to advertise.

1069
01:07:50,121 --> 01:07:51,357
Come here, Bob.

1070
01:07:51,358 --> 01:07:55,740
Let me show you how a
real woman does it.

1071
01:07:55,741 --> 01:07:56,700
Excuse me.

1072
01:08:10,574 --> 01:08:11,744
You all saw it!

1073
01:08:11,745 --> 01:08:13,604
He attacked me in broad daylight,

1074
01:08:13,605 --> 01:08:15,177
and he had his way with me!

1075
01:08:15,178 --> 01:08:15,849
Me?

1076
01:08:15,850 --> 01:08:18,006
I barely got away with my life!

1077
01:08:18,007 --> 01:08:20,815
You could have worn out
a mechanical bull!

1078
01:08:20,816 --> 01:08:23,183
Ooh, you're not going
to get away with this,

1079
01:08:23,184 --> 01:08:24,785
you sex addled maniac!

1080
01:08:24,786 --> 01:08:27,221
I demand that the council
remove this pervert!

1081
01:08:27,222 --> 01:08:30,519
I never laid a hand on
those sheep, so help me!

1082
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:32,226
Calvin was the one
who was painting

1083
01:08:32,227 --> 01:08:33,568
everybody with apple butter!

1084
01:08:33,569 --> 01:08:34,932
I was just an innocent on licker.

1085
01:08:38,873 --> 01:08:39,831
Silence!

1086
01:08:42,842 --> 01:08:46,043
Don't you see?

1087
01:08:46,044 --> 01:08:50,071
You're playing right
into her hands.

1088
01:08:50,072 --> 01:08:53,514
It's Elvira who is
responsible for all this.

1089
01:08:53,515 --> 01:08:54,654
Of course.

1090
01:08:54,655 --> 01:08:56,418
I should have known it
was that little harlot.

1091
01:08:56,444 --> 01:09:00,294
We ought to ride her out
of town on a big fat rail.

1092
01:09:00,295 --> 01:09:02,854
She might enjoy that too much.

1093
01:09:02,855 --> 01:09:04,629
There is a much more
satisfactory solution.

1094
01:09:07,410 --> 01:09:10,267
We can have her arrested.

1095
01:09:10,268 --> 01:09:10,967
Arrested?

1096
01:09:10,968 --> 01:09:12,491
On what charges?

1097
01:09:12,492 --> 01:09:15,521
It so happens that there
is a law on the books that

1098
01:09:15,522 --> 01:09:18,206
dates back to the Salem trials.

1099
01:09:18,207 --> 01:09:22,224
It specifically forbids, and
I quote, "any towns person"

1100
01:09:22,225 --> 01:09:26,232
from practicing the ancient
arts of spell casting,

1101
01:09:26,233 --> 01:09:32,839
"demonology, alchemy,
and conjuration."

1102
01:09:32,840 --> 01:09:38,929
The charge, my fellow council
members, is witchcraft.

1103
01:09:43,676 --> 01:09:46,532
Let me out of here!

1104
01:09:46,533 --> 01:09:48,191
Pipe down in there!

1105
01:09:48,192 --> 01:09:49,677
Hey, I've seen The People's Court.

1106
01:09:49,678 --> 01:09:53,215
I'm entitled to one phone
call and a strip search!

1107
01:09:53,216 --> 01:09:55,441
Well, there's a pay phone
right across the street.

1108
01:09:55,442 --> 01:09:56,391
What's the matter?

1109
01:09:56,392 --> 01:09:58,356
You forget where you
put your broom?

1110
01:09:58,357 --> 01:10:00,551
Listen, fatso, if I had a broom,

1111
01:10:00,552 --> 01:10:02,241
I know exactly where I'd put it.

1112
01:10:05,347 --> 01:10:06,487
Oh, this is swell.

1113
01:10:06,488 --> 01:10:07,964
I can just hear Manny now.

1114
01:10:07,965 --> 01:10:08,636
Hello, Vegas?

1115
01:10:08,637 --> 01:10:11,186
We got a slight crimp in
the plans for the show.

1116
01:10:11,187 --> 01:10:14,225
Yeah, the star was
burned at the stake.

1117
01:10:14,226 --> 01:10:15,482
Elvira!

1118
01:10:15,483 --> 01:10:16,154
Great news!

1119
01:10:16,155 --> 01:10:17,889
I got you the best
lawyer in the county.

1120
01:10:17,890 --> 01:10:20,411
He'll be here first
thing in the morning.

1121
01:10:20,412 --> 01:10:21,313
Bob, in the morning?

1122
01:10:21,314 --> 01:10:24,476
First thing in the morning, I'll
be able to fit in an ashtray!

1123
01:10:24,477 --> 01:10:26,825
You've gotta get me out of here!

1124
01:10:26,826 --> 01:10:28,447
But how?

1125
01:10:28,448 --> 01:10:29,119
The book!

1126
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:30,546
It's my only chance.

1127
01:10:30,547 --> 01:10:31,888
Quick, run to the house and get it!

1128
01:10:31,914 --> 01:10:32,446
OK.

1129
01:10:32,447 --> 01:10:35,379
Oh, but Bob, wait!

1130
01:10:35,380 --> 01:10:36,520
What?

1131
01:10:36,521 --> 01:10:38,946
I hid it under the floorboard
in the living room.

1132
01:10:38,947 --> 01:10:40,327
OK.

1133
01:10:40,328 --> 01:10:42,667
Oh, Woo Bob!

1134
01:10:42,668 --> 01:10:43,579
What?

1135
01:10:43,579 --> 01:10:44,537
Hurry!

1136
01:10:50,588 --> 01:10:52,467
Stay low!

1137
01:10:52,468 --> 01:10:53,888
Keep down low!

1138
01:11:05,481 --> 01:11:06,439
Now.

1139
01:11:12,289 --> 01:11:13,181
What are you whining about?

1140
01:11:13,182 --> 01:11:15,500
I'm the one getting barbecued.

1141
01:11:23,326 --> 01:11:23,997
Oh.

1142
01:11:23,997 --> 01:11:24,955
Sorry.

1143
01:11:42,389 --> 01:11:43,808
At last, it's mine.

1144
01:11:43,809 --> 01:11:46,349
The power is mine!

1145
01:11:55,842 --> 01:11:57,740
Gonk, don't have a conniption fit.

1146
01:12:08,175 --> 01:12:09,133
Whoa.

1147
01:12:09,134 --> 01:12:12,105
Must've took too much
antacid in the '60s.

1148
01:12:12,105 --> 01:12:16,189
Two, four, six, eight,
who do we incinerate?

1149
01:12:16,190 --> 01:12:19,527
Elvira!

1150
01:12:31,304 --> 01:12:32,770
Thank goodness, padre!

1151
01:12:32,771 --> 01:12:35,071
I am here to save you, my child.

1152
01:12:35,072 --> 01:12:39,521
At last, someone to talk
some sense into these people.

1153
01:12:39,522 --> 01:12:44,113
God, save this wretched
creature's soul,

1154
01:12:44,114 --> 01:12:49,676
even though her creamy white
flesh will burn and sizzle.

1155
01:12:58,575 --> 01:12:59,706
Well, isn't that convenient?

1156
01:13:04,462 --> 01:13:07,031
Thanks for trying, you guys.

1157
01:13:07,032 --> 01:13:07,990
Elvira!

1158
01:13:23,296 --> 01:13:24,254
Gonk?

1159
01:13:24,255 --> 01:13:28,502
Is that you, boy?

1160
01:13:35,138 --> 01:13:36,269
Good work, Gonk.

1161
01:13:36,270 --> 01:13:40,920
Burn the witch!

1162
01:13:40,921 --> 01:13:42,780
Do you smoke?

1163
01:13:42,781 --> 01:13:45,599
I guess we'll find
out soon enough.

1164
01:13:45,600 --> 01:14:00,886
Burn the witch!

1165
01:14:05,661 --> 01:14:08,047
Oh no, you're not
gonna believe this.

1166
01:14:08,048 --> 01:14:09,477
I left my oven on.

1167
01:14:09,478 --> 01:14:12,150
I'll just be a minute.

1168
01:14:12,151 --> 01:14:17,406
Burn the witch!

1169
01:14:21,895 --> 01:14:24,281
Any last words?

1170
01:14:24,282 --> 01:14:25,720
Just one.

1171
01:14:25,721 --> 01:14:28,108
Help!

1172
01:14:28,109 --> 01:14:33,833
Burn the witch!

1173
01:14:33,834 --> 01:14:34,792
Hold it!

1174
01:14:34,792 --> 01:14:35,742
Hold it down!

1175
01:14:35,743 --> 01:14:37,179
Quiet, quiet there!

1176
01:14:40,517 --> 01:14:44,725
And now, by the power vested
in me by the sovereign state

1177
01:14:44,726 --> 01:14:47,017
of Massachusetts, I
do hereby pronounce

1178
01:14:47,018 --> 01:14:51,092
sentence on Elvira the prisoner!

1179
01:14:51,093 --> 01:14:52,484
Death by fire!

1180
01:14:55,745 --> 01:14:58,265
Hold it, Sheriff.

1181
01:14:58,266 --> 01:15:00,854
What you're doing is wrong.

1182
01:15:00,855 --> 01:15:01,632
Patty?

1183
01:15:01,633 --> 01:15:06,129
It'll catch faster if you
light it in several places.

1184
01:15:06,130 --> 01:15:07,089
Patty, no!

1185
01:15:09,965 --> 01:15:13,320
We ought to have one
of these every year.

1186
01:15:13,321 --> 01:15:15,718
Burn in hell, witch!

1187
01:15:15,718 --> 01:15:17,156
Patty!

1188
01:15:17,157 --> 01:15:23,197
Burn the witch!

1189
01:15:29,144 --> 01:15:31,060
Burn her!

1190
01:15:31,061 --> 01:15:32,499
Bye, kids.

1191
01:15:32,500 --> 01:15:34,416
It's been swell.

1192
01:15:34,417 --> 01:15:37,773
Just send my ashes to Las Vegas.

1193
01:15:37,774 --> 01:15:41,128
Let me through!

1194
01:15:41,129 --> 01:15:41,896
Elvira!

1195
01:15:41,896 --> 01:15:42,855
Bob!

1196
01:15:48,322 --> 01:15:49,567
Hi, Bob.

1197
01:15:49,568 --> 01:15:50,240
Patty!

1198
01:15:50,241 --> 01:15:53,595
You're not a very nice person.

1199
01:15:53,596 --> 01:15:57,431
Burn the witch!

1200
01:16:01,554 --> 01:16:02,512
Gonk?

1201
01:16:07,979 --> 01:16:12,295
Remember,
you carry the power with you.

1202
01:16:16,610 --> 01:16:17,567
The ring!

1203
01:16:53,048 --> 01:16:54,487
Are you all right?

1204
01:17:03,596 --> 01:17:04,775
Look.

1205
01:17:04,776 --> 01:17:08,055
The lunar eclipse.

1206
01:17:08,056 --> 01:17:08,727
Remember?

1207
01:17:08,728 --> 01:17:10,087
Your aunt's letter.

1208
01:17:10,088 --> 01:17:13,385
When the moon falls under
the Earth's shadow.

1209
01:17:13,386 --> 01:17:14,623
Yeah, so?

1210
01:17:14,624 --> 01:17:16,215
Vincent's got the book!

1211
01:17:27,502 --> 01:17:28,460
Elvira!

1212
01:17:31,818 --> 01:17:32,776
Elvira!

1213
01:17:34,877 --> 01:17:35,835
Gonk!

1214
01:17:35,835 --> 01:17:36,785
Where's Gonk?

1215
01:17:39,661 --> 01:17:41,579
Oh, you tricky little devil.

1216
01:17:45,884 --> 01:17:47,792
Oh!

1217
01:17:47,792 --> 01:17:48,751
Vincent!

1218
01:17:48,752 --> 01:17:50,218
Remember us?

1219
01:17:50,219 --> 01:17:52,547
We're on your side.

1220
01:17:52,548 --> 01:17:53,506
Swine.

1221
01:18:06,530 --> 01:18:07,488
Stay back.

1222
01:18:16,043 --> 01:18:17,950
Sic 'em, Gonk!

1223
01:18:28,413 --> 01:18:29,994
Don't make me use this!

1224
01:18:35,470 --> 01:18:37,157
The amulet could not
protect your mother,

1225
01:18:37,158 --> 01:18:40,340
and it won't save you.

1226
01:18:40,341 --> 01:18:42,460
Kaldozar Ipsulay!

1227
01:18:47,515 --> 01:18:48,473
Huh.

1228
01:18:48,474 --> 01:18:50,063
So you want to play rough eh?

1229
01:18:50,064 --> 01:18:51,503
Well, take this!

1230
01:18:56,106 --> 01:18:57,064
Huh?

1231
01:18:57,064 --> 01:18:58,022
What?

1232
01:19:19,790 --> 01:19:22,379
You cannot escape me,
daughter of Devana.

1233
01:19:22,380 --> 01:19:27,346
I shall destroy you as I did her.

1234
01:19:35,747 --> 01:19:37,511
You looking for me?

1235
01:19:44,627 --> 01:19:49,238
Did you think you could
stop me with your toys?

1236
01:19:49,239 --> 01:19:51,108
No, but I figured it
would be worth a shot.

1237
01:19:51,109 --> 01:19:52,067
Look!

1238
01:20:37,529 --> 01:20:39,909
Kozar Kara Ocktar!

1239
01:20:43,245 --> 01:20:45,048
Sure, that's easy for you to say.

1240
01:21:12,367 --> 01:21:13,325
That hurt!

1241
01:21:21,161 --> 01:21:22,119
Now, baby.

1242
01:21:26,339 --> 01:21:28,236
Hey.

1243
01:21:28,237 --> 01:21:32,638
We have a little
unfinished business.

1244
01:21:32,638 --> 01:21:35,649
Yeah, well, uh, I think
we can do business.

1245
01:21:35,650 --> 01:21:38,928
Uh, yeah, sure, I can dig it.

1246
01:21:38,929 --> 01:21:40,884
Uh, I'm cool, bro.

1247
01:21:40,885 --> 01:21:43,904
Know what it is, where it's at.

1248
01:21:43,905 --> 01:21:45,679
I'll show you where it's at.

1249
01:22:25,436 --> 01:22:30,728
I am master of the dark!

1250
01:22:30,729 --> 01:22:33,280
I'll see you in hell first!

1251
01:23:17,314 --> 01:23:20,095
And now, Elvira, you die!

1252
01:23:52,093 --> 01:23:55,431
Remember,
you carry the power with you.

1253
01:24:15,971 --> 01:24:20,284
So what did the
insurance guys say?

1254
01:24:20,285 --> 01:24:22,059
My policy doesn't
cover acts of demons.

1255
01:24:25,196 --> 01:24:27,774
Well, at least you've
still got the ring.

1256
01:24:27,775 --> 01:24:29,845
Yeah, but the only thing I
can get it to do anymore

1257
01:24:29,846 --> 01:24:30,804
is look cheap.

1258
01:24:34,717 --> 01:24:35,934
Gosh, Elvira, I'm sorry.

1259
01:24:35,935 --> 01:24:40,584
I know you had your heart
set on playing Las Vegas.

1260
01:24:40,585 --> 01:24:44,957
I'm just not the kind of
girl whose dreams come true.

1261
01:24:44,958 --> 01:24:46,196
I do better on nightmares.

1262
01:24:51,172 --> 01:24:54,979
I wish there was
something I could do.

1263
01:24:54,980 --> 01:24:56,560
Yeah, don't worry about me, Bob.

1264
01:24:56,561 --> 01:24:57,845
I'm like fake fruit.

1265
01:24:57,846 --> 01:24:59,284
I don't bruise that easy.

1266
01:25:05,739 --> 01:25:06,697
Uh-oh.

1267
01:25:06,698 --> 01:25:08,546
Here comes the lynch mob.

1268
01:25:08,547 --> 01:25:10,637
Hey, take it easy, take
it easy, I'm leaving.

1269
01:25:10,638 --> 01:25:11,692
We don't want you to go.

1270
01:25:11,693 --> 01:25:12,364
No, no.

1271
01:25:12,365 --> 01:25:15,864
This is our way of saying
we were wrong about you,

1272
01:25:15,865 --> 01:25:17,148
and we're sorry.

1273
01:25:17,149 --> 01:25:18,490
Elvira, you're the best thing that

1274
01:25:18,516 --> 01:25:20,226
ever happened to this town.

1275
01:25:20,227 --> 01:25:23,045
You touched a part of my
son that... that nobody's

1276
01:25:23,046 --> 01:25:23,871
ever touched before.

1277
01:25:23,872 --> 01:25:26,008
I wish.

1278
01:25:26,009 --> 01:25:28,309
As long as you're
in Fallwell, you'll

1279
01:25:28,310 --> 01:25:30,572
always have a free
room at the Cozy Cot.

1280
01:25:30,573 --> 01:25:33,430
Aww.

1281
01:25:33,431 --> 01:25:35,750
Wait just a minute, Leslie!

1282
01:25:35,751 --> 01:25:39,462
Shut up, you old bag!

1283
01:25:44,018 --> 01:25:47,008
Well, I finally got it running.

1284
01:25:47,009 --> 01:25:48,917
Great!

1285
01:25:48,918 --> 01:25:52,302
At least now I'll
have a place to live.

1286
01:25:52,303 --> 01:25:54,295
But I still don't know how
I'm gonna pay you for it.

1287
01:25:54,321 --> 01:25:54,940
Don't worry.

1288
01:25:54,941 --> 01:25:57,231
We'll work out something.

1289
01:25:57,232 --> 01:26:00,031
Elvira.

1290
01:26:00,032 --> 01:26:05,429
I'm, uh, sorry that I set
you on fire and everything.

1291
01:26:05,430 --> 01:26:08,143
And, uh, I hope there
are no hard feelings.

1292
01:26:08,144 --> 01:26:09,639
Don't worry.

1293
01:26:09,640 --> 01:26:11,682
She's bigger than that.

1294
01:26:11,683 --> 01:26:12,353
Yeah.

1295
01:26:12,354 --> 01:26:13,771
A lot bigger.

1296
01:26:15,518 --> 01:26:17,512
Elvira, I've got
some important papers

1297
01:26:17,513 --> 01:26:19,238
that you're gonna have to sign.

1298
01:26:19,239 --> 01:26:23,207
With your uncle gone, you're
the only heir to his estate.

1299
01:26:23,208 --> 01:26:24,024
I am?

1300
01:26:24,025 --> 01:26:27,255
Not an inconsiderable
one, at that.

1301
01:26:27,256 --> 01:26:29,037
Las Vegas!

1302
01:26:29,038 --> 01:26:31,214
Elvira, that's fantastic!

1303
01:26:31,215 --> 01:26:36,422
Las Vegas!

1304
01:26:41,140 --> 01:26:44,351
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Flaming Hotel

1305
01:26:44,352 --> 01:26:50,364
is proud to present the
Mistress of the Dark, Elvira!

1306
01:26:50,365 --> 01:26:54,277
I've always
dreamed of doing this,

1307
01:26:54,277 --> 01:26:59,455
and now I've got my chance.

1308
01:26:59,456 --> 01:27:05,649
So excuse me while I indulge
myself in a little song

1309
01:27:05,650 --> 01:27:06,609
and dance.

1310
01:27:28,530 --> 01:27:34,723
Well, if you're looking
for trouble, here I am.

1311
01:27:34,724 --> 01:27:39,011
And if you wanna see
double, here I am.

1312
01:27:42,347 --> 01:27:45,684
I don't do what the good girls do.

1313
01:27:45,685 --> 01:27:48,543
Bad dreams really do come true.

1314
01:27:57,124 --> 01:28:00,462
Here I am.

1315
01:28:03,799 --> 01:28:07,125
I'm the bitch in black,
so you better stand back.

1316
01:28:07,126 --> 01:28:08,660
You might get motion
sickness or a heart attack.

1317
01:28:08,661 --> 01:28:10,501
I can really rap up with the
swelling in your pocket,

1318
01:28:10,502 --> 01:28:12,265
make your eyeballs drop
right out of their socket.

1319
01:28:12,266 --> 01:28:13,857
I'm rough, I'm tough,
I'm woman enough.

1320
01:28:13,858 --> 01:28:14,529
Get ready.

1321
01:28:14,529 --> 01:28:15,229
I'm gonna do my stuff.

1322
01:28:15,230 --> 01:28:16,608
I can take it, I can shake it.

1323
01:28:16,609 --> 01:28:17,539
I can cook it, I can bake it.

1324
01:28:17,540 --> 01:28:19,265
If I don't have the
recipe, I'll fake it.

1325
01:28:19,266 --> 01:28:20,703
I'm a volcano that's ready to blow.

1326
01:28:20,704 --> 01:28:22,431
Look out, y'all, 'cause here I go!

1327
01:29:25,910 --> 01:29:26,867
For me?

1328
01:29:38,855 --> 01:29:39,814
Unpleasant dreams.